i walked away

Impatiently, I paced back and forth along the corridor. My heart pounding. I can feel the surge of the blood through my vein. My mind stuck by the rushed of the memories. Unfortunately, those memories just make me realized how much I want this to happen faster. As the door opened my eyes strucked the doctor’s face. “Is the result positive doc?” “Am I suite for it?” my question picture how much I want to do it. “Yes miss, thank god finally there’s a donor that can save Sam’s life.” said the doctor with the sound of relieved. As a doctor, nothing much they can say except the truth. They already immune to the death things.
For the first time after years I didn’t felt happy and relief, I smiled from ear to ear. As I walked along the pavement headed to my nearby house, my head couldn’t stop counting how much day I had to live. Finally, there’s a part of me that benefit other’s life. Sam, 16-years-old girl with very beautiful eyes. Her eyes looking so bright enlighten by her will to keep alive in this world. Absolutely different from me. I can see from the mirror how lame my eyes. Filled with the colours of helpless broken soul. I couldn’t find the reason for me to let my eyes alive when everything around me really frustrating. When I first signed up for being a donor, I’m in hesitation. But when I saw Sam, I knew I’m doing the right thing.
“Lily, I think I can handle this but I got enough with this life. I’m not saying that you caused me problems and whatsoever. But, to be with you is another responsible that I have to carry.” “Yes, you give me strength but you deserved more than I can give to you.” With the tears rolled down his face, Daniel walked away. He broke up with me. I can’t find a word. Nothing inside my mind can explain what just happened. In a split second, I was all alone. He wants the best for me but he doesn’t knew, he was the best part of my life. The breezes that always blew me away just added the pain. With all the sadness and besieging conflict in my family only with him I can feel the beauty of this life. His strong heart, positive mind and all things about him making me adored him so much. To him I found the reason to be thankful to have this life and knew that I worth something to someone. But now, everything just broke into pieces. I knew it can’t ever be healed. As I reached home, I let those tearful memory faded and I let myself fall asleep.
Lately, Daniel looked really in mess. I don’t want to ask him why as I knew when it comes to the time he ready to share with me, he would tell me his problems. He shared everything with me, so do I. I thought I knew everything about Daniel but, after he broke up with me I can’t accept the truth. I started to think so hard what was my mistake. One day, I followed him. Perhaps to get a clue. Maybe he has someone better than me. I don’t mind as I’m used to be the one that useless, I just want to see the truth with my own real eyes. I followed him to the hospital. He took his way until reached the door with red labeled written High Care Unit. I started to worried. I can’t easily come into that compound as only close relative can come in. I walked vastly towards the nurse counter and asked who is the one that Daniel visit as they have the ‘log book’ to record the visitors detail as a proof if anything happen.

“Mr. Daniel visiting his little sister, Samantha Steinback.”replied the nurse as I’m asking. “Can I know what is she suffering?” “Based on this report, she has a liver disease and for the time being, she’s looking for a donor. I’m sorry Miss Lily, I can’t tell you more, these detail supposed to be confidential.” My head just like slammed so hard. I thought I knew everything about him. Then I realized, since the first day I knew him, he wasn’t shared his problem with me. He just shared the good stories and his accomplishment. He never burdened me with his problem. Maybe he knew how many problems I had thus he doesn’t want to be part of it. It was me that burdened him. How can I became so blind and selfish to the one I love so much? The alarm woke me up from the sleep that haunted by the memories that left behind.
As nothing left in my life, I made up my mind. If I’m not valued and useful to anybody even my family, I thought it is better to let a part of my body worth to someone’s life. My decision to become an organ donor few years ago really a right choice. Daniel, now I can pay back all your kindness. I hope by giving your sister a chance to live can bring back your smile as I can’t do so. Those monologues kept playing inside my head. Day by day, finally the day came. After 8 hours operation on me, the surgeons continued the procedure of organ transfer with Daniel’s sister, Sam. A part of my liver successfully combined with Sam’s abdomen. The operation took 11 hours. Sam and I were stabilized at the Intensive Care Unit. Sam’s condition making progress and luckily her body and immune system can accept my part well.
As for me, I knew how it will end up. The doctor said this operation will not affect me much which meant I can survive after that. Somehow, doctors can only heal broken and hurt part of the body not the soul. I knew if I go on with this operation, my heart and body can’t stand it. “Lily, why you doing this? Why can’t you tell me? Lily you know how much I love you right? Lily please says you hear me now…” Daniel cried so hard and he holding my hand so tight like he would never let it go. My heart hurts so much, I’m so weak I can’t even open my eyes but still I heard him. I can feel my tears rolled down through my cheek. There was nothing left to beg for. I just want him to be happy like he always does to me. I’m so grateful and felt blessed as I ended up my last breath by knowing I’m meant something to someone else life to be precise to Daniel and his beloved sister.

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