I have had a lot of things happen in my life that I have overcome. I have had good things happen in my life, and bad things happen in my life. I am very sensitive to other people’s feelings and I love to make people smile. My goal in life is to never regret anything that made me smile. Right now in my life I am going through a lot. As a teenager, I try my hardest to be accepted. Sometimes I try too hard, and I stress out, which is not a good thing. My role model would most likely be my grandma Bonnie; she was the definition of perfect. When she was in high school she loved to dance. She had boys falling at her feet in awe of her beauty. She was always smiling and happy. I would call her every day to tell her about my day, and if I had a bad day she would help me think positive, and to think that tomorrow is a new day and I need to forget what had happened that day. I loved her more than I love my mom. I told her things I would never imagine to tell my mom. She never judged me and loved me no matter what mistake I made. She was about 76 when she was diagnosed with cancer. I was devastated because I know what cancer does to people. She started to go through chemo therapy and started to lose her hair. I would still spend a lot of time with her when she was actually able to. She was always in the hospital or sleeping. I hated seeing her like that; it was heartbreaking to know she was hurting inside. She liked to feel beautiful but she couldn’t because she didn’t ever have time or energy to put on makeup or curl her hair. It got to the point where my grandpa had to go out and buy her yogurtland; strawberry was her favorite; and he would have to feed her. One day I came over to see how she was doing; I hadn’t seen her in two months; I walked into her room and she was bone skinny and had no hair. Her eyes were crisp and dry, I could see the pain in her eyes; but she still smiled which made me smile. It was so hard to hold back from crying, it was probably the hardest thing I could ever do. I wanted to jump on her and give her a big hug but I know it would hurt her. She was so weak that she couldn’t even speak. My caring grandpa came in and gave me a bowl of yogurtland to give to her. I took it from his warm hands and I took a small spoonful and held it out for her to eat, she opened her mouth as much as she could and ate it. I couldn’t help but shed one tear down my face. I blinked a bit and got another spoonful, held it out and she ate it. I look at her beautiful blue eyes looking off into the wall as if it was a never ending valley of land. I look to where I think she was looking, I saw nothing but a wall of her and my grandpa’s wedding 61 years before. There were also photos of her posing in her beautiful costumes from her dances back in the day. She was so flawless. I shed another tear as I blink my eyes in amazement in her beauty. As I look back at my grandma, her eyes were closed, with a wet tear lying on her cheek. I felt my stomach drop a million feet into the ground; it can’t be, this cannot be happening. I set the cup down and touched her arm, she was cold as ice. I cringe back in my chair and I say;
“Grandma?” I ask
No response.
“Grandma?” I ask again, waiting for her response.
She did not answer. I jump up so quick, sprint to my grandpa and tell him to go look at grandma, quickly. He speed walks to the back room where she lays, so quiet, so pale. I cannot believe my eyes. He starts to feel her pressure point on her upper neck, then her wrist, I can see his hands shaking. He looks at me with a painful glare; I stare back, straight into his eyes. He blinks one long blink, and then opens with tears running down his face. He walks up to me and gives me one long hug; I could hear his heart beating so fast, and loud. I started to cry in his strong, comforting arms. He lets go and walks past me into the kitchen; picks up the phone and calls 911. I look back at my grandma that I was feeding less than 10 minutes ago. I walk up to her, wiping the tears off my face and I lay on the bed, right next to her. I lay there praying to God, thanking him for taking her home, to where she doesn’t have to feel pain anymore, where she can dance again, and where she can meet the one who blessed her with the life she had, God. I look over at her closed eyes and wonder what her last thought was before she passed away. I slowly got up, leaned over the side of the bed, and stood straight up, not being able to believe what just happened. I walk to where my grandpa was sitting in the kitchen;
“What do we do now?” I asked
“Just wait” replied my Grandpa.
“Ok” I said
So we waited ten minutes and the ambulance arrived. They knocked quietly and my grandpa opened the door. I wait where I was and they all walk to the room where she lay and I call my parents. I ask for them to pick me up because my grandma passed away. My dad stayed to be comfort his dad. My mom took me home and I went straight to my room. I cried for hours and hours, until I finally fell asleep. I woke up the next morning and I just curled up in my blankets and just had to try to wrap all this around my head; she’s gone. No more lunch dates, no more painting nails, no more fun laughs. Sometimes it’s hard to let go of the ones you love, but you want to know how I stay positive? Just keep smiling.
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United States • 25 years old