Cowardly

Everyone went through that depressed stage in thir life where they thought nothing would change or get better. Normally their 15 or so or just had a break up. Some people really have a reason to feel that way. Their parents abondoned them-their lonely-their poor-their so fucking unlucky.

Well, I'm just sorry for myself. I really don't care about them; I want someone to care about me. I want someone to care enough to talk me off this figurative ledge. So many times I've written that note, that final fuck you goodbye of the unloved. I know why no one loves me. I'm just not empathetic. I didn't get enough hugs when I was little, I think. Maybe I never learned how to be emotional. All I'm capable of doing is panicing and getting myself into trouble on my everlasting persuit of happiness. My panacea concoction of drugs sex and food just doesn't work. Oh, I lied. It works as long as you don't stop. As long as you fill all those caverns, physical, emotional, mental continuously you'll feel just good enough to not think about jumping. As soon as you stop you'll feel just as bad even worse if you fucked your life up more. You know what? No one even cares when you dig a hole and jump in it and start covering yourself in dirt. Fuck them all. My family doesn't care-they don't even know me. My friends- shit you mean my too-old-for-me boyfriend and my methhead besty? yup I have a feeling they'll get over it.

Except they wont have to get over it! whew! Because I'm a coward. I never eat quite enough pills.I always leave before that creepy old man beats me to death.I could never get the razor deep enough. Although it makes a pretty noise when it rips through your skin.Shit gotta love preteen angst slicing myself open like it would prove anything.

You know my problem? I don't want to die; I just can't stand living anymore. I'll keep rying. Maybe someday I'll accidentally succede.

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