I Kept It Hidden

I Kept It Hidden

She looked at me and smiled, there she is again. This innocent pretty faced girl who look so dearly and lovely. She’s so fine that looking at all the angles of her seems so cute. I have now this weird feeling for her. A feeling that even I haven’t figured out what it was at that time. All I know is that I like her and not in a friendly way. Then a friend of mine told me something, that he likes her. He then started his move and confessed everything to her. The only thing I could do at that time was watching them together and hate myself for being a pathetic loser. I really want to know her more but it was already too late for that. I was not on a good timing.

All those years my feeling for her hasn’t change but she still has no hint of this feeling that I have for her. I kept it hidden for them not to notice. Time passed by and the pain already left. I was happy for the both of them seeing together happy. He loves her and she loves him more. All I did was to give my support. That’s the best thing for them.

Years passed and that lovely lady suddenly told me that he left her for no significant reason. I was shocked. Why did he do that? I tried to ask him but he didn’t give a straight and valid answer. I was saddened. She must be crying now and there is no one that could comfort her. No one that would tell her how much she is being appreciated by someone. No shoulders to cry on. If only, if only I had the chance to tell her everything...I would have.

The time came for my courage to burst out and told my closest friends what I was hiding inside me for so long. And later, accidentally, I finally told her. I do not know if she would believe it or not because it was so sudden.
We then started this joke on the night of the ninth day of the first month of the year. I am her boyfriend now. What a fool I was. I was telling myself that if only this would become real. If only this is not just a same old fairy tales or a fantasy, I would have been telling her what I wanted to her to hear from me. I haven’t told her everything. Maybe I did but I know she won’t believe them all.

The only thing I ever would have told her on the first place is a message written inside a small rectangular glass that I wish to give her. It was a small token with the message and an image of a white rose in it. Those were the words that I want to tell her personally and her to believe in. For those words were so important. For those words were once on my lips but just wouldn’t come out. And still, I kept it hidden.

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