Beginning of 7th grade I had all these friends, I was popular, everyone liked me, and I was happy. I started to change though. I knew i wasn't myself. So I went through this "scene phase". I lost all my friends. I gained a couple but otherwise I didn't have anyone. Obviously if you've read my other stories you know I was a cutter since 5th grade but, no one found out until November a week after i ran away. December I cut my arms pretty bad. Everyone called me an attention whore even though I wore hoodies and skinny jeans so i could hide my skin. Well in February of 2013 I failed practically every class. March 6th 2013 my 13th birthday i was working to get my grades up but then that friday i got suspended for some stupid shit and i had to start therapy in April. I didn't start getting along with my mom until 8th grade. 8th grade came around and i was still that stupid little scene kid lol. I was a scene kid until October of 2013. I then started dressing how i wanted to dress but i wasn't really me yet. I still tried to fit in and stay low. it wasn't till i turned 14 that i was finally being myself. I had that fuck you attitude. I didn't care what people said about me. I didnt keep my mouth shut when people were talking shit i stood up for myself. Teachers don't really advise that but if someone is bullying you don't cower stand up for yourself. You also got to learn to love yourself even all your flaws. Now the last month of school i got into a lot of trouble i was always in the office getting referrals getting suspended but you know im a kid i make mistakes. It wasnt until may 26th that i decided to stop cutting so that means ive been clean for 2 motherfucking months!!!! Anyways, When i decided to break up with Richard it was the best thing that ever happened to me because being with him i couldnt be myself completely and i wasnt happy until i broke up with him a sense of freedom. I'm me. I'm happy. Now i've got fucking great ass friends including Jessica, Alaina, Brad, Ethane, Seanti, Jordan, Jon and many more. Plus i met someone who treats me how i deserve to be treated he makes me so fucking happy and helps me through evrything hes one of the reasons i am who i am because he doesnt give a fuck who i am as long as im being true to myself. He knows the real me. He knows i act like a hard ass but in reality im a softy and a really big dork. He knows what my real smile looks like because when with him im genuinely happy. Anyways Now im going to be a freshmen and im nervous as hell. But i know if i focus on my academics and myself i can get through it. I also know that it doenst matter if people like me or not because i like me. Im perfectly imperfect and it took me 8 years to realize that but now i know. I know how i should be treated and i know that not everyones going to like me and thats fine. I choose not to give a fuck about anyone who doesnt give a fuck about me either.
Author Notes: hope you guys like this story of how i came to love myself
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United States • 24 years old