SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt / equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
THE NEW AMERICAN MODEL
You have 2 cows. Your neighbor buys 1,000 cows on credit, hoping to hit the lottery and be able to pay for them. Henry Paulson sells your house and gives the money to your neighbor to repay the cow debt. Now you live in the barn with your 2 cows, while your neighbor puts your farm out of business.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the sh#t out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy...
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows The one on the left looks very attractive...
Here's some EXTRAS:
THE OTHER AMERICAN MODEL
You Have Two Cows - you refinance your home via a sub-prime mortgage and buy 1,000 more cows. Milk and Beef futures hit rock bottom as your new monthly payments hit the roof. You sell off the 1,000 cows for far less than you paid while trying to fight off the creditors, then lose your house and live in the neighbor's barn with the original two cows and Joe the Plumber.
The Other American Model
You Have Two Cows - you refinance your home via a sub-prime mortgage and buy 1,000 more cows. Milk and Beef futures hit rock bottom as your new monthly payments hit the roof. You sell off the 1,000 cows for far less than you paid while trying to fight off the creditors, then lose your house and live in the neighbor's barn with the original two cows and Joe the Plumber.
INTERNET BLOGGER MODEL
You don't have a cow but start a blog about them, inventing funny and touching stories about your two little cows. It catches interest and more readers are coming daily. You animate a video about your virtual cows and promote it via youtube and social bookmarketing sites. More people are coming. You create a web based application that allows people to draw cows and post them on your website. You start a contest where people could earn virtual reputation for their drawings from people they don't know. It's a great success, millions of people are coming. feeling great and bounding with their new virtual friends.
At some point, you turn 18 so you can finally buy two real cows, create an online auction. You sell your two cows and your blog to a stranger for 15millions dollars.
Everybody gets tired of the cow blog after a year or two.
Republican Model
You have two cows. One dies. You decide to have a raffle to get rid of it, and not have to dispose of the body. You paid $800 for the cow, and manage to sell 1,000 tickets for $5 each. You're forced to give the winner her money back, but still come out $5,195 ahead. Then you go on to form a company, and call it Enron.
Yet another American Model
You have two cows, but you want more so you decide to breed your cows with your neighbor's Bull. For kicks and giggles, you film your cows "in the act". In furtherance of your clever idea, you put up a website called www.bovine3some.com, where you market your video. Within a few weeks, your Cow Porn website is a hit and money is flowing in the door.
Your neighbor notices how much money you are making and claims his Bull's balls are rotting off from a sexual disease it contracted from your cows. He sues you and ties up a good portion of your money in court. PETA then takes note of a promotional trailer you put on Youtube and pickets your house, which pisses off all your neighbors. They bring the video to the attention of the SPCA, who then files charges against you for cruelty to animals.
You use up all your new found money on attorneys fighting off your neighbor, the SPCA, and the criminal charges, to no avail. You wind up in a federal prison passing your time as a b*tch for some guy named Tito.
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