It has been 957 days. Where are you? I miss you. I can’t go much longer without seeing you, without hearing you, without feeling you. I need your words. I need your heart. I feel restless. I've checked all over for you, for some clue that you're near. I can't even find your things. Did you leave me? Why? Why i ask? I've been everything to you forever, since we were kids. I’ll never forget the day i moved next door to you. School was hell for me. My mental health was getting so hard to handle, you were the only person who cared about me. were you just lying when you said you loved me.? Before you left you said you’d be back in a miete. It's been longer. Please come back.
It has been 984 days. Where are you. What did i do? Please, whatever it is i'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'll do anything. I can't do this. I won't make it. You said you’ll always be here. WELL WHERE ARE YOU! WHERE ARE YOU? This is not one of our old games of hide and seek. I've looked everywhere. I give up. Please come back.
It’s been 1358 days. I'm so worried. Today i found a clue. I just know it’s from you. It has to be. But that’s what worries me. Why did you leave a trail of blood on the wall? Are you hurt? Please talk to me. I know you’re here. The Blood is fresh. It’s bright and wet. There's no other explanation. Why else would there be blood on the wall? Please come to me. My heart aches more than you could ever imagine…
It been 1792 days. You've left more clues. There’s a knife on the floor. It’s well used. Why do you need a pocket knife? You would never hurt anyone. You care more about strangers life than your own. I remember we would watch horror movies and you would cry every time someone died. You could’d of killed an animal. You’ve been a vegan since you were six. And still you cry over any animal you hurt before that. I've seen you save the lives of many spiders even though you're deathly allergic to spider bites. So still i ask, why would you need a knife? Still i keeped it. I'll keep it with me every day until i find you. I promise i'll find you…
It's been 2046 days. I'm cold inside but i just know you're getting closer. Once again i look for you. I check everywhere but still i can’t find you. I saw you last night. I heard you calling my name. You seemed so sad. It reminds me of when we were kids. We were so stupid. Racing so close to the ditch. You fell in. I remembered you calling to me. You sound the same as you do now. You didn't want me to run and get help, even though you couldn't get out. You just wanted me to stay. You didn't want me to leave you. We stayed in that ditch all night until our parents called to police and they found us. You sounded the same then as you do now. So much the same. It breaks my heart YOU SOUND SO MUCH THE SAME! I can’t even write, i'm in to much pain. Please come back.
I’m coming to my end. I don’t even know how long it’s been. Ive searched for you everywhere. I don’t know where you are. The walls in this apartment are closing in. The world hurts so much without you. I need you. I always have. I've told you many times. I still remember the first time i told you. It was our wedding day. You looked amazing, you took one look at me and you were still. I’ll never forget the look you had on your face. You looked as if you were struck by lightning. After we said our vows, when you kissed me... my world changed. In the moment i knew that could never be without you. And that hasn't changed. It never will.
There is one place i haven't checked. i didn’t really want to go, but there is no where i wouldn't go for you. I hope with all my heart you’re there. I hope i will go up to you and not fall lower. You were always a better person. You used to give all your allowance to homeless puppys. You did so many fundraisers for abused teens and i'll ocean life. You would spend day in protest of animal cruelty. You would never leave once, no even to eat. Oh how worried i was when you left for a week and come back close to death. The second the doctor saved you, you went right back out. You are amazing, i can’t wait to see you again.
-Emara lInn Rebesa.
I was just going to get you some soup. The doctors said you might wake up today. I decorated your room. Well me and ziggy did. She misses you by the way. It’s been hard for her, only ever seeing her mother sleeping. I don’t know how i’m going to tell her that you're gone. I still can’t believe it myself. It can't be you laying on the floor with your wrist cut open. It can't be you that’s used the same knife i've been using to cvt up my arm every day for ten years. Every day you've been asleep. I've been there everyday you know. Ziggy’s been staying with your sister. This must be so hard for her, only eleven… she doesn't even know what’s wrong. I never told her about your illness, i never told her about the notes. Oh the notes. My heart broke a little every time i read them. It shattered with your last. I know you're not here, but i hope you're reading this in heaven. Please don’t cry Em, i'll be with you in no time. Just hold on…
-Misericordia Jonathan Rebesa
Author Notes: if you are reading this note, please tell me what you think!