All the little movies and stories we have seen that involve fairies make them seem small harmless and cute. Like Tinkerbell. Well I'm here to tell you that all of that is bullshit. So put on your learning pants and actually pay attention because I'm about to educate you. Fairies are in fact, the most incredibly horrible creature you can ever encounter. They kidnap moms, steal spoons, cause depression, burn villages, and eat children.
Please, allow me to tell the tale of my first encounter with fairies. It all started on a seemingly normal day. I woke up slouching over the edge of my grandpas couch in the garage with 2 feet worth of drool dangling out of my mouth like normal. I was feeling a bit hungry so I slowly raged my way past all of the boxes and equipment knocking over everything like Godzilla. When I finally made my way to the fridge and opened it there was no milk, but there was plenty of eggnog. So I grabbed the eggnog and lazily tossed it in the general direction of the dining table because I was to lazy to carry it then slowly made my way to the box of lucky charms in the far top left cabinet. I tossed that too. When I made my way to the silverware drawer all of the spoons were gone. I checked the sink and the dishwasher, nothing. after letting out a big disappointed sounding growl like something you would hear off of Jurassic Park my grandpa walked in. When I complained about the spoons my grandfather had me follow him out into the backyard and he started skimming his eyes across the yard as if he where looking for something. Eventually he pointed at a mushroom ring in the yard and said "Looks like there back." "Whats back grandpa?" "The fairies." I turned my head and laughed. "Oh laugh it up now while you can, they will be back if we don't properly dispose of that circle." I said, "Sure grandpa." I looked around for my mom, maybe I could borrow her car and drive to the store to buy a set of spoons. Her car was still here so she must have been out and about but I couldn't find her. I asked grandpa if he had seen her but he hadn't. "The fairies must've taken her, It's the only logical explanation!" "Yeah right grandpa"
Author Notes: Let me know if this needs a part 2.