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By Alexis Kypridemos

by Alexis Kypridemos
Space ship engineer Silas felt a gurgle in his stomach and decided to sit on the waste extractor.
After about a minute of inactivity on the extractor, Silas felt around in his vest pocket and took out a crumpled, rolled up bag of corn chips.
"I want your Soufritos," said a robotic voice from inside the extractor.
Silas leapt off the extractor bowl, throwing the chips in the air. He pulled up his trousers and spun around to face the voice.
A little green man stood inside the extractor bowl. Silas reacted instinctively and pulled the evacuator chain.
Water rushed over the little green man. He closed his eyes, but did not move.
"I weigh 70 pounds," the little green man said after the swirling water subsided. "Two pounds of water moving at 10 miles per hour with an estimated horsepower of 0.0035 cannot displace me."
"Help!" Silas cried.
Aardvark, the ship's captain, opened the door with some hesitation, as it was the men's extractor room.
"What is it now?"
"There's a little green man in the extractor," Silas said and pressed a button on his wrist computer. "He speaks, but I cannot understand him. My computer has compared his language against the twelve million known galactic dialects, but can't make a match."
"I want your Soufritos," the little green man repeated, still inside the extractor bowl.
"He speaks Swedish," Aardvark said. "Give him your chips."
Confused, Silas did as he was told. The green man greedily stuffed chips into his face.
"Who are you?" Aardvark asked. "In English, if you can."
"Recalibrating for English, please hold..." the green man said. "My name is Zorg."
"And what are you doing aboard our ship, Zorg?" Aardvark asked.
"I am a refugee. I have recently been exiled from the United States of Space. I entered your ship by way of the waste extraction canal in search of food."
"Well, you are welcome to stay aboard until you can get back on your feet. May I ask why you were exiled from the United States?"
"Their Immigration department apprehended me without proper residence documentation. I was deported for being an illegal alien."
The End

Author Notes: "Intrusion" is part of "Fiction Fix," a collection of 46 short, funny stories, plus 196 bonus micro fiction budget stories, available at

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About The Author
Alexis Kypridemos
About This Story
14 Apr, 2014
Read Time
1 min
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