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“Number please.”

“May I have long distance?”

“One moment. Connecting with long distance.”

“Long distance. Number please.”

“Hello, I’d like to talk with…”

“Your number please.”

“Yes, I don’t have a number but I’d like to talk with — Jesus.”

“I’m sorry, he’s not available right now.”

“Oh, I see. Can I hold?”

“We don’t advise it. There are many others holding. Is there anyone else you’d like to speak with?”

“Well, I don’t know…”

“Saint Peter is available.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“How about Lucifer? No, he’s not available.”

“Is this heaven or hell I’m speaking with?”

“Take your pick, the phone company is not prejudiced.”

“I think I’ll stick with Heaven.”

“How about God. His line is free.”

“It is?”

“Yes. Shall I put you through?”

“Isn’t it unusual for his line to be free?”

“No, not really.”

“Why is that do you think?”

“Personally, I think folks are afraid to talk with him.”

“Well, I’m not. Put me through.”

“Thank you. Putting your call through to God. This is operator 6148, I have a call for you from an earthling. Will you accept?”

“Is it collect? Just kidding. Yes, for God's sake, put it through. Oh, wait, that's me.”

“Your call is ready. Go ahead. He's in a good mood - for a change.”

“Thank you. Hello, is that you, God.”

“Yes, it is. How are you?”


“Well, you’ve called the right place. I’m an expert at clearing up confusion.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful. You have such a pleasant voice, I feel like I know you.”

“Very funny. I’ve been whispering in your ear for a very long time. Obviously, you haven’t been listening?”

“Oh, please forgive me, I didn’t realize you could do that.”

“I’m God, remember. I can do anything. And you’re forgiven.”

“Oh, thank you. I promise I’ll definitely be listening from now on.”

“That makes me very happy. Be sure to tell your kith and kin to listen also.”

“I will, I will. I promise.”

“Where have I heard that before?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Nothing. Now, tell me what’s confusing you.”

“I was doing a little light reading and came across something Omar Khayyám wrote.”

“I’m not a mind reader. What is it he wrote?”

“That’s very funny. I thought you, of all people, could read minds.”

“I was kidding. Now, let’s have it.”

“Yes, of course, and I quote: I sent my Soul through the Invisible, some letter of that After-life to spell: And by and by my Soul returned to me, and answered: 'I myself am Heaven and Hell.”

“Yes, I’m familiar with Omar’s writings. It’s quite straight forward. What part of it confuses you?”

“The last part, I myself am Heaven and Hell. How can that be?”

“What do you think it means?”

“On its face value, it sounds like I am Divine and I’m capable of creating my own Heaven or Hell.”


“But how can that be? I’m just a human struggling to become more spiritual.”

“Wrong. You already are spiritual and you are already Divine. It’s your persona, your personality that’s getting in the way of your Divinity.”

“How did that happen?”

“Beats me.”

“You mean I’m already a God?”

“Well, I wouldn’t get carried away with that idea, at least not now. If that goes to your head, you will find yourself in more trouble than you ever imagined. Look at Hitler and your politicians. Dealing with your persona will be battle enough for the time being.”

“So, somehow I have to get rid of my personality. But how do I do that, and what’s left when it’s gone?

“First of all, you don’t actually get rid of your personality. It just stops using you and you begin to use it. It’s a wonderful tool to communicate with others as long as that which you really are is in charge. Disengaging yourself from your personality is like peeling away the multiple layers of an onion. Some layers you’ll be happy to free yourself of. Others, the pleasurable, sinful ones, will hang on tenaciously and they will give you the most pain while detaching them. But you must let them all go eventually if you are intent on the goal.”

“That doesn't sound like much fun.”

“You want fun? Is that the reason you called — for fun? Sorry, pal, you’re not only barking up the wrong tree, you’ve got the wrong number. Goodbye.”

“No wait, please don’t hang up. Throw me a bone to build on, please, please, please.”

“All right already, enough with the begging. Throw you a bone? What’s with you people and bone throwing? I ran into someone the other day who asked me to throw them a bone.”

“Well, what should I have said?”

“Okay, bone will do. Here’s your bone — silence.”

“Silence? What does that mean?”

“Silence is the key to success in becoming who you really are.”

“I don’t get it?”

“Why am I not surprised. Do you have a computer? Please tell me you do.”

“Yes, I have a computer.”

“Good, I want you to search for the 12 Degrees of Silence. When you find it, follow its directions. It’s a beginning toward your salvation. Call me if you get stuck, and you will get stuck.”

“Okay, I’ll search for it. But, my salvation? What am I being saved from?”


“Oh. Thank you.”

“I gotta go. Time for my nap. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, and thank you.”

Time for his nap. Who does he think he’s kidding?

"What? I heard that."

"Sorry. Not so loud next time, my ear drums."

"How's this?"

"Much better, thanks."

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About The Author
About This Story
All Audiences
24 Aug, 2017
Philosophical, Religious, Informative
Inspirational, Feel-Good, Offbeat

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