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by Alexis Kypridemos

"To whom belonged the 603 testicles in Hot Gates?" asked the Spartan soldier of his comrades.
"I don't know, to whom?" said another.
"The 600 to the 300 soldiers, the two to Leonidas, and the last one was that nut, Ephialtes!" said the first soldier, and everyone burst into laughter. Except Leonidas.
"Silence! Silence!" Leonidas called. "Do you want the Persians to take us for complete fools? We await their messenger any moment now."
Sure enough, the Persian messenger arrived on a moped. He opened the box on the back and handed Leonidas a clipboard.
"Sign here."
Leonidas signed, the messenger gave him a sealed envelope and left. Leonidas opened the envelope and read the Persians' ultimatum. He scoffed.
"What's it say, boss?" asked one of the soldiers.
"It says here that they'll attack us with 10,000 soldiers..." Leonidas started to say, but stopped as he noticed the sky darkening. He turned to the horizon, where he saw the thousands of advancing Persian troops blotting out the sun behind them.
He gulped.
"Oh, bollocks."
The End

Author Notes: "Leo" is part of "Fiction Fix," a collection of 46 short, funny stories, plus 196 bonus micro fiction budget stories, available at

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About The Author
Alexis Kypridemos
About This Story
28 Mar, 2014
Read Time
<1 min
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