I could hear my parents talking, in those low tones they always used when the discussion was about me. There'd been a lot of those 'discussions' lately, sometimes me included, mostly me excluded. I could lie in my bed and hear the murmurs or I could go sit at the top of the stairs and eavesdrop.
I was sitting on the top step tonight, lisening to them. My mom was sobbing.
"They said it was a miss understanding" She wispered.
"I know Honney, but if it wasn't, he could be suspended, you know what kids are like. Its only three days and he will catch up on his homework, I promis you."
"But what if-"
My heart stopped in my chest. Did they figure it out?! I know I should tell them. I should march right down there and just get it said: 'Mom, Dad, I can't concentrate anymore. I've tried and tried but all I can think about is boys." I took a deep breath in and got ready to walk down the carpeted staires but stopped when mom spoke.
"What if he gets into another fight? He will be suspended for a hole week! he is going to fail his exams!"
"Honey he is a very clever boy. he will do just fine, come here Darling"
I heard the russle of clothing as they hugged. My heart pounded in my chest. So it was the fight they were talking about? Yes! of course it was! how could I be so stupid? Actually, the fight wasn't really a fight. It was more of a me trying to get my self out of the garbage can where my old friend,Ewen, threw me in calling me a fagg. Just as I out to shove him back, somebody yelled "Fight!" and that was that. To be truthful, I'd much rather read than fight. I'm not scared, just a total pacifist by nature.
I heard my mom sigh and I felt like shit. I never meant to hurt either of them. I just couldn't explain the real reasons, not yet. Maybe not ever.
I am suspended from school for avoiding being stuffed in a trash can. I took it like a man. I'll just hang around in my room reading and listening to tunes, maybe work on my last project for Botany. Just quiet stuff til I have to go back there and get pushed around for being me.
There was a silence and then my dad said, "I'll talk to him tomorrow. We can't have him going to school and getting hurt like this."
I was still crouched on the top step. deciding the was a good time to go to bed i tip-toed into my dark room and lay down. "I'll talk to him tomorow" rang in my head like allarm bells. I dreaded tomorow, I couldnt keep it from them forever.
(Part too coming soon!)
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Ireland • 38 years old