I am a Living Hell

I'm "already dead."
Believe me, I know.
I'm holding on by a thread,
Just not letting it show.
I learned from the best
How to hide what I feel.
I'm sure I passed the test
Of learning to deal.
But that was before
My heart was torn in half.
I don't care anymore
About faking a laugh.
The blade feels amazing
Against my pale skin.
It started with me grazing,
Then I slid it deeper in.
The steel is biting cold
Against my warm flesh.
But, for now I'm in control,
This feeling is the best.
The blood that's falling
Is torture's sweetest form.
I hear Lucifer calling,
The calm before the storm.
The knife knocks against bone,
I hear the shriek of agony.
I know I'm home alone,
Then realise it belongs to me.
I push it in deeper still,
Until I feel it hit my soul.
As good as any pill,
It sends my body cold.
The demons spectating,
My family, women, men.
Can finally stop waiting,
I've returned home again.

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