I was about 6 years old when my father passed away. I had lots of friends then. I hung out with them everyday. Then I stopped because I became highly depressed. I never left my room. I only talked to my sister. I sat in the back of the room away from everyone. I isolated myself from my friends and my family. I was in my room so much and never interacted with people. I eventually had social anxiety. (The defining feature of social anxiety disorder, also called social phobia, is intense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation.) I never left my house only for school. I didn't interact with people at school. I starved myself at one point because my best friend told me to kill myself. I guess I took that hard because when I went home I stayed in my room for a week. I didn't go to school and I didn't eat. My used to be best friend messaged me to see if I was ok. I told her to just leave me alone because she was the one who caused me to starve myself. She called me everyday to say she was sorry. I ignored her because when someone tells you to kill yourself and you almost do and nobody does anything about it, it makes me really mad. I sat in my room for another day or so until I decided to go to school. When I got back to school my used to be best friend came over to me. She sat down and pretended like she was sorry just so she could tell me that I should've killed myself and do the whole world a favor. I went to my guidance counselor and told her about everything that happened and I asked her for help but she ignored my calls for help. I went home that night and I cut my arm on accident. But it was the best adrenaline rush I ever had. I used to cut myself. I stopped. I went back to school the next day with short sleeves exposing my cuts. My used to be best friend came over. She glimpsed at my arms and asked what I did to myself. I can't believe she didn't understand why there were cuts on my arms. So I told her that I tried to do what she told me. She looked at me and broke out in tears. She hugged me and whispered "I'm so sorry I never meant for you to actually hurt yourself." I looked at her she was so sincere. Then she told people to stop telling people to kill themselves. She joined the anti-suicide drive. She had me tell my story infront of people only for everyone to laugh at me. I left and went into my room and ignored everyone. I kept going to school and eventually I isolated myself. Until I met this guy. He is so nice to me. I like him but I don't want to make things weird so I don't tell him. I hope when I work up the courage to tell him he doesn't laugh or leave.
The End
Author Notes: Do not make fun of people just because they are different. Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide in the world each year. Don't joke about it because someone close to you might be struggling. If they are help them or tell them to call or text 1-800-273-8255. People are here to talk to you.
United States • 26 years old