At the Doctor's Room Reviews
There are many good things about your story, but it needs some judicious editing to make it more reader-friendly. In its present form it is hard work and filled with a lot of 'waffle' and filler-type information that does little or nothing to enhance or progress the story.
Be careful, also, of over-long paragraphs. Nothing is more disconcerting to your reader than a solid, unbroken block of text to plow through :-) Try and break-up your paragraphs into shorter, 'bite-size' blocks for easier consumption.
Overall a fair effort, but needs work.