I sit and i ponder ive never been so scared of a woman in my life the way i am now i mean nothing has ever had this hold like she does and nothing ever will it hurts to think of her ever neglecting or leaving me alone i could chop my privates off and still be as happy as i was from day one she is a pure hearted sweet kind loving person to me rather that be whom she really is idk all i know is i dont want to be this deep everyday i worry about her finding a different person or just breaking me down to nothing i mean only God should have this type of hold i crave her but i want so badly just to run i mean run far away and hide i feel as if she will be the cause of my death i feel like she will turn her back on me eventually if she already hasn't all i ask in this life is to be truly loved not a secret it hurts i have to hide in the shadows i have to hear about other friends she has obtained with the shallow swallow of my Adamsapple i die every single day on the inside im not happy not truly happy because she will never be fully mine i tryed to say no in the beginning but was to no prevail im wrong in everyway i know this but why was i hated so much for this ever to happen i dont get it all i can do is stop being mad or sad and bo matter what i really want ill never get so ill lay back and continue to have a true soulmate that is bound to break my heart once again ill live through it but god knows its gonna be hell on earth for a while.....Here is my secret letter to her I've never looked si deep into eyes that are not mine I've never loved someone who is taken I've never known menatl death like you but still i would give you my all if only i could have the same in return since this will never happen i can say you taught me true love even with my prior exs never has anyone of them been close to me as you i have no clue why you chose me or for what reason at all im nothing but hurt i stay hurt always everyday that how i know you will move on and forget me when a person thinks your only going to hurt them they constantly pull away back and forth i cant take this love ypur so perfect ill never equal your greatness your beauty your charisma your personality your persona your independence is far superior to mine yoy are a living angel in everyway possible no wrong comes from you...i love you dearly but you scare me in many different ways if i had a guarding angel you are it ill never leave nor give up all i want is to trust you and for you to know that im head over heels and i dont know what to do anymore u dream of you even though your beside me God has said to me in many occasions through your voice of reason to stop lashing out but everytime i turn arou d i feel like i am having to compete ill end this saying this im not perfect i do wrong i cant give my all when at anytime you could give up or move on if it was you i met first id cherish every single thing you ask i would do everything in my power to make you happy its hard to live a lie and be happy forsure...just know this there is a special spot for you in heaven for helping me i know that.....
Author Notes: Remember when life becomes hard turn to the one who has showed you they will walk beside you even if its not right...
United States • 35 years old