Because of Him

Lying on my bed with a pillow on my chest, I am staring blankly at the white ceiling of my room. My hands are wet with tears and are shivering, my eye bags are noticeably baggy and dark this time, tears are dripping down on my face from my eyes, dehydrated now and reddish. My shoulder feels cold while my stomach cries out of hunger. I haven’t eaten since the affair I have attended the other day. I haven’t had even a glass of water, I haven’t changed my clothes, I haven’t done anything yet for myself. I have locked the door of my room and told everybody in the house that if anybody is going to open that door other than me, myself, I would surely kill myself… I’ve been here for almost 38 hours now… still alone, lying on my bed, crying and I feel like dying…
I am not able to move myself for I feel as if a pound of metal is hanging on both my hands and feet…Just beside me is my study table with a partly lighted lamp, on top of i8t is a bottle of sleeping pills that they recommended for me to take in 5 days ago… I want to move my body, I want to grab that bottle and take at least a dozen of sleeping pills. I really wanted to do that so I would die and be with him, but then, I can’t move… still, I am lying here on my bed and staring blankly at the white ceiling of my room… I can’t move, my eyes were fixed on that ceiling for almost 8 hours now. And I don’t want to take my eyes off that ceiling… ask me why? It’s because he is there. I see him there. He smiles at me, and then his vision would be blurred, then, he would reappear himself, that goes on for almost 10 hours now… I know I am just hallucinating, that in reality he isn’t there, he isn’t anywhere and he wouldn’t be anywhere anymore… And I am crying for almost 8 hours now because of that reality that he would no longer be here with me… and he died just 5 days ago, he died! He left me!
… I am alone, seated under a tree, staring at the blank horizon with teary eyes when a young man waved at me and startled me.
“Oh my! Shocker! What a!... Ah!” I grinned at him while my tears are falling down on my cheeks…
“oh, sorry… I thought you were just day dreaming or maybe hal-lu-ci-na-ting, and I just want to make friends with you, so, I approached you and…this…sorry…I didn’t know you’ll cry… I’m really, really sorry…” he was then apologizing in a polite manner.
A gray car just passed by and I blot out to tears… I saw my father inside the car… he is leaving us…I cried and cry not minding the guy with me…
“Hey, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you? Oh, please tell me what’s wrong. Why are you crying? I’m not doing anything to you…miss…please…Maybe, I could help you…” he said and offered me his white handkerchief.
“Okay, calm down, relax. Now, tell me what’s wrong…I’m listening…” He said.
“Mm…My father is leaving us… he is in that car. (I pointed to the fast moving car far away from us)… he will never come back anymore… he is leavi8ng us…” I cried again.
“Is he leaving for work? If he is, then, that would just be for your family’s good… So, stop crying now and pray for his safety rather than just crying there…as if he’s dying…oh, sorry…” He’s calming me down.
“No! he will leave because there is a third party. He has another woman and another children… he’s leaving us because he said, my mother and I can manage on our own now for I am now able to help my mother with the things she does, he said that we two could now live wi8thout him and he’s going back to his family with his other wife and three children… He had been keeping this for long, no! Not only him, also my mother. For all those years, she knew about it and just didn’t tried to tell me… And the right time has come for me to know the truth…And I can’t do anything now to prevent this from happening…Could you help me? Please, tell me what to do now!” I told him.
At first, he was speechless and after a minute of silence… he said…” That’s really a problem. We can’t do anything about that. Although we’re teens now, we can’t do anything to stop your father because even your mother knows about it. Maybe you should talk it out with your mother tonight. That’s the best thing I could advise you to do. For now, I’ll bring you to your house because the sun is hiding and it feels as if it would rain today…’
And I lead the way to my house… while we’re walking, he started asking me with questions like what’s my name and so many things about me while I am also doing the same with him.
After that event, I’ve learned that his name is Joseph. I am older than him for a year and a half. Their family had just transferred a week ago in our village. He said that he had been watching me since the day they arrived here. He has a younger brother and his parents really care a lot for them. And I envy him for that because I had just lost my father and my mother and I don’t talk yet that much because of that event.
Joseph and I became the best of friends, he and his family helped me and my mother after my father left us. They helped us be relieved of the pain and move on with our lives after father had gone…And every time I feel alone, he would always come to sit with me under that same tree where we first met. He has been my crying shoulder for so many times.
After a year of our friendship, to my surprise, I’ve found out that I’m falling for him, I’m falling in love with my best friend…At first, I did not tell him about that. I’d tried to hide my feelings for him for a long time, because I’m afraid he would turn away from me. I’m afraid to lose my only best friend… but then, no secret in this world is forever untold. I waited for signs and when I know it’s the right time for me to tell him everything, I did. I told him how I really feel about him and again, to my surprise, he also feels the same for me… And there have been “us” since that day.
We’ve never had any misunderstanding or problem in our relationship. After 7 years of strong relationship, we’ve planned for getting married. He told his parents about it and consulted my mother. I think we’re on the right age now. I am 24 and he is 23. So, we did all the preparations and settled everything that we need for our wedding, but we lack one thing, we miss my father, the one who is supposed to bring me to the altar.
We made a decision. Joseph will be looking for my father… he left and said will be back after a week. But then, it was only three days that he’s not here when we heard the news that he was caught in a car accident. Joseph died.
My world turned upside down, everything was useless now. I lost him… I lost my only best friend. I lost the love of my life, just before our wedding… For the second time, I lost a man I love a lot. First, was my father, and now, him… but yet, my father is still alive and could always come back here to see me if he wish to, but Joseph, my Joseph, he could never do that anymore because he no longer lives… And there isn’t any hope for the two of us left now…
(Knocking on the door)
“Eloisa, please open the door…” a voice from the outside of my bedroom’s door.
I haven’t heard that voice for so long, but I guess, I know whose voice is that… that was my father’s voice… He has come back… but… for what? Why only now? Okay! I dried my eyes and wiped away the tears on my cheeks. I know I can move. I believe I could…I leaped up to my feet and walked slowly towards the door.
Again, I heard the voice…
“Eloisa, I’m back… your father is here. Please open the door and come out of your shell.”
Yes, I’m sure, that was really him… Tears blot out again and I don’t know what to feel right now… But for sure, I’m not happy for his return… I’m not happy he’s here…why? It’s because of him why Joseph died. Joseph was looking for him when he had the car accident that killed him… It’s because of him…
“No! I won’t father, why have you come back? I don’t need you anymore! Go away! Leave me alone!” I shouted holding the door knob while I’m leaning my ears to the door and tried to figure out what my father is doing… I heard a noise… he is holding the keys… he’s going to open my door… he’s unlocking the door now…he’s pushing it… I ran to the table beside my bed and now, on my right hand, I’m holding the uncapped bottle of sleeping pills… I took more than a dozen of pills on to my left hand. And, there he goes…my father had opened the door… he is going near… I shouted…but wait…my father is crying?! For the first time in my life I see him cry… and he doesn’t look like the way he did 9 years ago when he left us… he look sick…He’s begging for me now… I dropped everything I’m holding on the floor and run to my father with open arms… he’s back… I feel happy now. The thought of revenge has changed into happiness…
“Eloisa, I’m back…I’m sorry… My daughter…” he said and he’s crying.
“Father, are you staying with us now?” I asked him…
“Yes, my dear, and I promise not to leave you anymore… I promise…” he said and hugged me so tight…
Again… I saw him, Joseph, and his vision in the white ceiling of my room… he’s smiling and waving his hands… and then… his vision vanished. He’s gone… but yet… I am with my father.
It’s because of my father why I met him and it’s because of him why I was relieved of my father’s exit in my life… It’s because of my father why he left and died and it’s because of him why my father is back…

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