The numerous punctuation, grammar and spelling errors spoil what could have ben an otherwise interesting and engaging story. As it is, the faults get in the way of the pleasure to be gained from reading your work.

It's all the more annoying when a simple quick check with your spell-checker would have revealed the problems before you submitted your story. You do yourself a disservice by not taking those extra few minutes...

On the plus side, you have a good imagination. With care you could become a very good writer. :-)