Dear best friend,
I honestly have no idea what happened. It's like one day we are inseparable and the other you pretend not to know me. I don't know what I did or what happened. But whatever I did I am truly sorry. I truly am. I beat myself up every day wondering about what happened between us and I honestly think you don't even care. You probably think that I am a terrible, mean, cry-baby, pathetic, sassy b*tch. And you can say whatever you would like behind my back.
I look back through memories, you're in all of them. The good, the bad, the beginnings and the ends. And putting myself back into the past, I look into the future. There's just one person that I don't see here now, and that's you.
I supposed even in some of the best words have the worst meanings. Friends. What an amazing word. Well, you showed me how to bring the worst into that magical word. Friends. Same for the word forever. You would think that forever would be happy and ever-lasting. Not for you. For you, it means forever.
You were supposed to be here. We were supposed to be listening to each other's lives after high school and helping each other plan for our future. But I guess things don't always go as planned. There's so much I wish I could tell you and there's so much I wish you could tell me. I wish I had answers to the questions that pop in my head when I wonder how you're doing. It seems like that part of me has stopped wondering because sometimes it saddens me to know that we'll never be anything near once we what were. I have learned to accept the things that I cannot change, and that's one thing that you have taught me. You have taught me so much more than that as well.
I want to thank you for the memories. I've learned to be more appreciative of the good times and spontaneous adventures. Because of you, I've learned to live a little harder and cherish the moments I'm living in. I've learned not to get used to the average scheme of things. I've learned that there's no easy way to say goodbye to anyone. I've learned that memories and pictures are sacred to the heart. I've learned that the people in pictures do change but the picture never will. And those moments in the pictures will never change either. I've learned that the number of laughs you share with someone cannot be limited. You've taught me to never take anything for granted. You've taught me so much from our friendship, and I'm so thankful.
I've also learned that tears do not fix what cannot be changed. Sometimes there will be an empty spot in the heart that cannot be replaced. That just means there's a place that was once filled with someone's joy and happiness. I do not hate you, and I am not angry with you. I have tried to hate you thinking that it would be easier to get over the pain. But I can not hate you. You were my best friend for so many years, and I can only cherish and be grateful for those memories.
I wish you the best in all the world throws your way. I wish I could be there for all of the exciting things that life gives you, but I know that is not what you had in store. I know that there was a reason that you were once my best friend because you have taught me so much about life. I will forever be grateful for all of the laughs and memories that we had together. I cannot thank you enough for all you have done for me.
You are beautiful, you are kind, you are intelligent, and you are wonderful. I don't think you are told how wonderful you are enough. Do you know how special you are?
There is no one like you. Not a single soul out of the eight billion on earth. This earth is as tightly bound to mine as yours was. You are so, so, patient, because you deal with me and my annoying habits and my insecurities every day - and you always came back to me, even if I pushed you away. You have made me laugh countless times, and you have cried with me many dark nights. Our messages would make no sense to no one else; our conversations are crazy to anyone passing by. I can tell you absolutely anything at all, and you would listen. I can cry over the same boy night after night, and you will let me cry on your shoulder each night. I can tell the same story four times, and you will laugh each time. You know me inside and out and for someone to know everything about me and still loves me as you did - well, they must be truly a wonderful person.
I was so lucky to have you. You are worth every gem on this earth. And because you are so wonderful, so amazing, so unfailing. - I promise you this:
I will always be here for you. I will always stay by your side. You could never lose my friendship, my love. I will be with you through the thick and thin and everything between. I will stand up for you when others who do not see your brilliance and try to knock you down. I will do all of this for you even if you won't do the same for me.
Every-night I sob and wonder what happened between us. Does our past friendship mean nothing to you? Do you ever hope things would go back to the good old days? Because I do. Everyday.
I miss you. Even if we see each other every day. I miss you in another way. I miss the person that came over on Halloween. I miss the person that would bite me when I would sleep on her. I miss the person that would care about what I have to say. I miss the person that would love me no matter what. I miss her very much. Tell me: Where did she go?
Author Notes: This is not your basic story. It is true. This happened to me in real life and that is why I have written this letter. You must be wondering if I sent it to this person; I did. And I don't regret it a single bit.
Some may think this is personal information. It is. But I am comfortable sharing my past with people who I know will accept me and respect my opinions.
Things have gotten better over some time. But there is no possible way to fix what has happened. Things will never go back to the way they were and I accept that.