A couple of grammatical and spelling errors from the start was a off-putting when reading this piece ("she inquired" instead of "she Enquired"; 'definitly' instead of 'definitely') and again shows your slap-dash approach to your own work. Your computer has thesaurus and spell-check facilities. It would pay you to use them before submitting future works...

As for your story; an interesting little piece, if somewhat confused. You describe the girls eyes at one point as "cold begging" eyes. Why? What does it mean and to what purpose are those words used? Surely if the girl is begging the guy to stay they would be warm, inviting eyes?

I sometimes get the impression you use words and phrases for effect rather than for the purpose of telling the story; almost as though you are trying to impress with your vocabulary. It is something that many young writers are guilty of (and many not-so-young, too!) and more of than not had the reverse effect. Write what you really mean, not what you THINK you should.

I think you are still trying to find your 'voice' as a writer. It takes time and practice to achieve. Taking the help and advice given to you will help you on your way. You have the potential to be a very good writer... IF you shed the bad habits you have already developed.