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Andy (Formerly Apemann) gave a rating of 3

An interesting story idea. The first part of the story goes on a little too long to maintain reader interest... Personally, I am not sure that I would have put it at the beginning. Looking at the rest of the story I would have started it with the first three paragraphs after the dialogue opening, then inserted then exchange between Tom and his wife. Just an opinion, of course.

Take care with your grammar and punctuation: there are several instances of the incorrect word being used ('spend' for 'spent', for instance).

I hope we'll see more from you soon :-)


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