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I remember that first day.

I see his name go across my screen.

I remember I was smiling and eager to see what he had to say.

But now he just gets left on delivered.

I trusted him

I loved him.

He used me and broke my heart.

He acted like he cared, hes a damn good actor.

When he left me I was broken and I hated myself.

Not only because he told me that he only got with me so he wouldn't get back together with his ex, but the fact that I still cared.

I was in so much pain.

I thought he would be different.

I can't help but fall for the wrong guys, the guys who hurt me, stomp all over my heart.

It might be the daddy issues or the constant need of a mans consent.

He determined my worth.

I stopped eating and going out.

I took a whole bottle of sleeping pills hoping I would never open my eyes again once I shut them.

That wasn't my fate.

Not what God had planned for me.

I couldn't be happier about it.

I remeber the day I came back to school from the hospital.

All he had to say was "Sorry."

My best friend friend tried to help me telling me I needed to drop him but I couldn't.

I was still in love with him...

That day I slowly walked to lunch ignoring everything.

Sitting at a table surrounded by fake friends.

Looking over at his table.

The "Preps."

Seeing him with her instantly broke my heart more than it already was.

Biting my lip I quickly ran to the bathroom to cry my eyes out.

Sitting in that stall all alone crying to myself I realized something.

My best friend was right.

Hes just a stupid prick.

A player.

I didnt need him or any boy for that matter.

As I wiped my eyes I made a commitment to never let a boy determine my worth.

Its been aslmost two months now.

Im better then I've ever been.

When I see him in the hallways I don't even think twice about him.

Hes just another face in the crowd.

Now im working on bettering myself.

And I couldnt be happier.

Hes just not worth it.

Not worth the many hours I've spent crying alone in the dark,

Not worth every scar on my body,

Not worth my time.

Im focusing on school and family.

Ive decided to save all the boy drama until im older.

I have more important things to worry about.

But now as im sitting here writing this im thinking back to all that.

I laugh to myself as I realize I made a big fuss over nothing.

All im really trying to say here is don't let boys - or anyone in general- determine your worth.

Be who you were meant to be.

Focus on the important stuff.

Save the rest till your older.

Love yourself and live life to the fullest.

Acheive your dreams.

Don't let anyone hold you back.

Author Notes: Don't let a boy determine your worth.

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11 Feb, 2020
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