I Can't Seem to Find the Words

The smoke billows from my mouth and sears my tongue.
Yet I still taste you on my lips
Even as the fire burns my lungs
I feel my fingers on your hips.

Even as that pain makes my chest ache,
Being with you hurts worse.
The pressure builds until I think I might break,
I want to tell you, but I can’t seem to find the words.

It hurts not because I don’t love you enough,
But because I think I love you too much.
It burns and sears my insides: this love.
My head pounds as I long for your touch.

It gnaws at my heart to see you so beautiful,
Yet so far beyond my reach.
I feel empty without you; unwhole.
I’m incapable of speech.

I want to hold you close and watch the sunset,
Blazing in golden streaks across the sky.
I want to go back to that night our lips met
And I looked you in the eye.
The stars shone above us and the city glowed below.
Your eyes danced like diamonds in the fire;
Your kiss was soft and slow.

It hurts knowing that your nights are spent
With someone who isn’t me.
It makes me want to scream and vent,
I want you here with me.

I want to build a future together,
I want to build a life.
I want you to be mine forever,
I want you as my wife.

Every time I watch you leave
My heart aches more and more.
Yet with each mile between us
I love you even more.
I love you so much it scares me.
I love you so much it hurts.
I feel trapped without you like I’m not free,
Yet I can’t seem to find the words.

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