Dear someone,
I dont know what to do, I feel horrible and I honestly think that I am going to run away then overdose. Im going somewhere that I dont know anything about it, its called and RTF (Residental Treatment Facility) I honestly think that im just going to fake it to make it. Anyways im a peice of shit it is'nt hard to tell, i lied to every doctor, even my mother. Just saying im "Perfectly Fine", but im really dead inside. I should just go to hell, it doesnt make sence if im just going to kill myself to go home, I should just slit my wrists and end this shit. My mother will be glad im gone. She wishes she had a fucking abortion. She hates me now, I wonder if I died would tears come to her eyes?
Of course not, she loves my sister more than me, she takes her out everywhere, but she didnt even know that i was doing herion at the age 11. But she found out when I overdosed. I knew what sex, drugs, and suicide when I was 8. Forgive me for my disrespect, forgive me for my lies. Stress is building up, I reached my peak of my anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
I cant think straight anymore. My head is filled with trauma, me being hurt when I was younger, even my family being shot at when I was walking to the school bus, my brother getting murdered becasue he was selling 3oz of weed. I really miss him, I should go to see his grave. He is buried next to my grandma, then fuck ill be buried next to him. Death is fucking calling me, my mom is probably going to not care because she knew this was destined to happen. I dont even want to live past my 30's I dont want to get old. I mean my only talent is singing, everyone says I sound like an angel. but im not going to make it to the music production life at all, becasue all of these scars on my body. Everyone says im pretty and I dont think I am. The only thing that makes me happy is drugs, and running away. I only have one best friend, but it feels like we are getting farther apart. I dont know what to do.... I just want to squeeze until the beds completely red, then im dead.
Goodbye,
Madison
Author Notes: If someone that you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts please call the suicide helpline 1-800-273-8255 or 911
United States • 22 years old