Internal Screaming

These...these voices screaming

in my head won’t stop…

What they say, what they want me

to think, what they want me to do…

I listen to them.

I listen to their every word, every

whisper, every cry for help.

This...this twitch I have in my hand

is because of them…

Of what I saw, of what they wanted me to see.

And I know...I know they’re just

thoughts in my head, but after giving in

for the hundredth time today, I feel as

if they’re actually real…

Her voice sticks out from the rest…

She calls for help when I know I can’t

give it to her, since I can’t help myself…

Now, that I’m here, with all this screaming,

crying for days on end, the coldness from her…

her body still attached to my body like bad perfume…

I don’t know what to do.

It feels like her soul and the manifestation of her demons

have crawled into my brain and fucked on my brainstem,

and for what?

For a little bit of hope that I will find someone like her?

There can be nobody like her…

She...she’s gone…

And with her, my chance at happiness…

Some people call it obsession,

I call it love lost…

Love lost is something that those

voices gargle and screech at me.

The people I’ve met since her,

the people I talk to until three in the morning

because I have no plan to sleep anymore,

the people I share this with…

They try to help, and in some cases,

they do help, but…

My brain is constantly screaming at me now…

The twitch in my hand is getting worse…

The bottle of expired pills is winking at me…

The razors are beckoning me back to their embrace…

And Her spirit is telling me to join her in her grave…

I thought...I thought I would be okay…

I can’t speak anymore without stuttering…

I...I can’t stand these voices anymore…

Can this internal screaming subside so I can

hear the birds chirping and the leaves rustling?

Can I be happy again?

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