JAMIE'S WORST BIRTHDAY
hercules
JAMIE’S WORST BIRTHDAY
Written and narrated by Ben Brown.
It is Jamie’s tenth birthday. Jamie wants everything to go perfect. Unfortunately, everything goes very wrong, when his seven-year-old brother brings the dog into the act.
SCENE 1
SCENE 2
SCENE 3
SCENE 4
SCENE 5
SCENE 6
Birthday boy: Jamie
Jamie’s father: Mike
Jamie’s mother: Molly
Jamie’s brother: Billy
Family black Labrador: Buddy
SCENE 1
Jamies bedroom.
Things go wrong when Jamie opens his presents.
MIKE AND MOLLY
(Mike and Molly give Jamie his presents and say happy birthday.)
Happy birthday, Jamie.
JAMIE
(Jamie opens his presents.)
Caw! A pair of Star Wars trainers. A Star Wars t-shirt. A Star Wars mug. Awesome! An electric train set.
BILLY
(Billy brings Buddy in.)
Happy birthday, big boy. Not!
JAMIE
Oh no!
Buddy grabs one of his trainers.
JAMIE
(Jamie goes for Buddy, but falls over.)
Give that back.
BILLY
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
MIKE
Come back here.
Buddy leaves the room, before Mike and Molly can grab him.
JAMIE
(Jamie gets up.)
Fine! Take it then.
BILLY
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
JAMIE
Get out, Billy. Get out of my room. Now!
SCENE 2
Dining room
Jamie is about to have his breakfast, when something else goes wrong.
MOLLY
Come and enjoy your breakfast, Jamie.
JAMIE
Caw! A stir fry with Nestle milkshake. My favourite.
MIKE
Enjoy it, Son.
JAMIE
(Jamie sits down to enjoy his stir fry)
Thanks.
BILLY
(Billy brings Buddy in.)
Go for it boy.
JAMIE
Oh no!
MIKE
Get out of here, Buddy.
Buddy jumps on the table, knocking Jamie off his chair and devours the stir fry, before Mike and Molly can stop him.
JAMIE
(Jamie gets to his feet and went for Buddy.)
Get out of here now.
Buddy jumps off the table and leaves the room.
MOLLY
And stay out.
BILLY
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
JAMIE
Get out of my sight, Billy.
SCENE 3
The beach
The family goes to the beach, but nothing goes as planned.
MIKE
Well, here we are.
MOLLY
Now then, Billy, I don’t want any trouble. You are going to sit right on this chair next to me and don’t even think about messing around with Buddy.
BILLY
Mum!
MIKE
Do as your mother says.
JAMIE
Let’s build a large sand castle, Dad.
MIKE
What a perfect idea.
MOLLY
Build it as high as the sky.
MIKE
I don’t think we’ll manage that, dear.
JAMIE
Well, we’ll build it as large as we can.
MIKE
(Mike turns to Billy.)
Don’t you dare move.
MOLLY
(Molly complements Jamie and Mike when the castle is finished.)
It’s enormous. Well done you two.
JAMIE
Thank you, Mum.
MIKE
Yes, thank you, dear.
BILLY
(Billy, who can’t take it any longer, gets up and ruins
the castle with a spade.)
I come forth with my trusty spade and destroy this mighty castle, built by unworthy hands.
MOLLY
How dare you – how dare you. Apologize to your
brother and father.
BILLY
No!
MOLLY
Apologize, I said.
BILLY
Never!
JAMIE
Why won’t you apologize?
BILLY
Because I’m jealous.
A moments silence.
MIKE
That sounds reasonable enough, but you still shouldn’t have done it.
MOLLY
There’s no use arguing over it. Why don’t you go for a swim, Jamie?
JAMIE
Okay then.
BILLY
(Billy grabs Jamie’s swimming trunks and throws them to Buddy.)
Chew them up, Buddy.
JAMIE
(Jamie goes for Buddy, but falls over.)
Give me my trunks.
Buddy runs off before Molly and Mike can get hold of him, let alone Jamie, who gets to his feet.
MOLLY
Well, Billy, what do you have to say for yourself?
MIKE
Answer your mother.
BILLY
Nothing!
MIKE
Are you not sorry?
BILLY
Not one bit.
MIKE
Well, you should be.
MOLLY
Let’s leave it at that, Mike.
MIKE
Very well. It’s doing us no good arguing with this one.
JAMIE
Let’s have the picnic.
MOLLY
Yes, let’s have the picnic.
MIKE
(Mike gets the food and drink out and lays it on a small blanket.)
I hope nothing goes wrong this time.
MOLLY
You tuck in first Jamie.
JAMIE
(Jamie grabs a sandwich, but he doesn’t have the chance to eat it.)
Oh no! Here comes trouble.
Buddy dashes forwards, sending everyone sprawling and scuppers the picnic.
JAMIE
Well, that’s that. No picnic.
SCENE 4
Garden
Jamie and Mike decide to have a kick about in the garden. Unfortunately, nothing goes their way.
JAMIE
Let’s have a kick about, Dad.
MIKE
Okay, Son. Go and get your ball.
JAMIE
(Jamie disappears indoors for a moment, then comes out with his ball.)
I need to practice more before I go back to school.
MIKE
Indeed you do, Son. Now then, get in goal.
JAMIE
(Jamie stands in a small goal on the lawn.)
Give me everything you’ve got, Dad. You’ll never score against an experienced player like me.
MIKE
We’ll see about that. Here goes.
BILLY
(Billy comes out with Buddy.)
Go for the ball, Buddy.
JAMIE
Not again!
Buddy darts forwards, sending Mike sprawling on his back and grabs the ball.
JAMIE
(Jamie went for Buddy.)
You give me back my ball.
Buddy runs off indoors with the ball.
BILLY
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
JAMIE
Thanks a bunch, Billy.
SCENE 5
Dining room.
Jamie is going to have a party, but as usual, things don’t go according to plan.
JAMIE
Caw! A Star Wars cake and with a toy Darth Vader on top.
MOLLY
Come and tuck in.
MIKE
Yes, come and tuck in, Son.
JAMIE
(Jamie sits down at the table.)
I’ve been looking forward to this all day.
MOLLY
We know you have.
JAMIE
Nothing can go wrong this time.
MIKE
I hope you’re right.
MOLLY
Yeah, me too.
JAMIE
Billy had better not bring Buddy in.
BILLY
(Billy comes in with Buddy.)
Go and mess things up, Buddy.
JAMIE
Not again.
Buddy jumps up on the table, knocking Jamie off his seat and starts to eat the food.
BILLY
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
JAMIE
Get him off of there.
Mike and Molly go for Buddy, who jumps off the table and leaves the room, holding a sausage roll. They knock the table over and the food and drink, goes everywhere.
BILLY
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
JAMIE
Get out of here now, Billy. Get out of here now.
SCENE 6
Living room.
Jamie is having fun playing with his electric train set, but yet again, things don’t go his way.
JAMIE
I love this.
MIKE
I’m glad you like it, Son.
MOLLY
So am I.
JAMIE
I can’t wait to show my friends. I bet they’ll be really jealous.
MOLLY
You can say that again.
JAMIE
I hope it doesn’t get wrecked first though.
MIKE
Why do you say that, Son?
BILLY
(Billy comes in with Buddy.)
It’s me again, Jamie.
JAMIE
That’s why.
MIKE
Don’t you dare release Buddy.
MOLLY
Don’t you dare.
BILLY
(Billy releases Buddy.)
Go on, Buddy.
Buddy seizes the train, which is well out of Jamie’s reach, let alone Molly and Mike’s, who were well out of the way.
JAMIE
No! No!
Buddy wrecks the train and carries it from the room with the carriages.
JAMIE
Why is this happening to me. Why? Why? Why?
BILLY
HA-HA-HA-HA-HA.
JAMIE
That’s the last straw. I’m done with you, Billy.
MOLLY
What do you have to say for yourself, Billy?
BILLY
Nothing.
MIKE
Well, Billy, you are going to make up for all the trouble you’ve caused your brother.
BILLY
But –
MOLLY
But nothing.
JAMIE
Mum, Dad, let me deal with this one.
MIKE
Go right ahead.
JAMIE
Billy, you will buy me a new pair of swimming trunks, a new football, a new pair of trainers, a new trainset and finally, you will prepare another party for me tomorrow.
MOLLY
Perfect!
MIKE
And you’re grounded.
BILLY
Grounded?
MOLLY
For the rest of the holidays.
THE END
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United Kingdom • 37 years old