Last Days of School

Last days of school

For as long as he could remember Vincenzo had always worn women’s clothes. His first memory at age two or three was trying to wear his mother’s knickers. They were far too big of course but it did not stop him spending as much time as possible with his mother as she dressed. At the time his mother indulged him but as Vincenzo grew it became clear that cross-dressing was here to stay. Now eighteen, Vincenzo was about to break free into the adult world with the tyranny of school to be left far behind.

Vincenzo, whose real name was Vincent Pritchard, had needed to change his name. Vincent Pritchard seemed too hard, too harsh, too male. Vincenzo had a softer ring to it and he had settled on the name after a trip to Italy. On holiday with his family Vincenzo had been dropped into an ancient world. Frequent family holidays to France had accustomed Vincenzo to parts foreign but one with a cultural familiarity given the shared history and culture. Italy was a different world with its antiquity, small roads and seeming chaos. Vincenzo observed a people with a sense of self-possession and dramatic style in their interactions with each other and a look-at-me attitude even when greeting friends. Then there was the food. Oh the food!

The family had holidayed in Positano, the old medieval town clinging to the steep hillside of the Amalfitana Coast. Best approached from the sea Positano seems to be held together by narrow paths, laneways and tunnels and around the next corner always a chic shop. During the war Positano was used for the recuperation of injured German officers and when the front line moved North then it was used by injured allied officers. Made famous post-war by John Steinbeck, it soon became populated by artists followed shortly by the somewhat louche. All of this added to the charm for Vincenzo. Stopping in Milan in September Vincenzo saw the models return from a Summer on the beaches. Tall, tanned and long-legged and with very little on Vincenzo saw his role models. Something to aspire to. The name Vincenzo seemed entirely appropriate and so different from the mundane, the boring nay even the staid of Mittel England.

Now looking out of the window Vincenzo’s face was brushed by the warm breeze of a Home Counties Summer. Fragrant with the smell of blossom and freshly mown grass this only could be England. It would not be long now and he would be rid of school.

His thoughts were interrupted by Master Soames or ‘Soapy’. How Soames became Soapy is one of those school stories lost in time. Soapy, a man now in his sixties had hair erupting from his nose, ears and eyebrows. Even the outside of his nose seemed to be fertile soil for growth. He now addressed Vincenzo.

‘Are we keeping you Pritchard?’

After a pause ‘Uh, no Sir’.

‘That’s good Pritchard’, continued Soapy. ‘I would hate to think we were intruding on your reveries…whatever they may be.’

Slight titters around the classroom as Vincenzo’s tastes were clearly known. Soapy continued to bore the class with school regulations and what was expected of Sixth Formers. This was even though they had finished their exams and clearly needed to do no more study at school. Soapy, ever the stickler for rules however irrelevant they may be, continued unhindered. He never missed a chance to impose his will on pupils.

Vincenzo looked at the boy sitting in front of him. Vincenzo studied the head, the thick neck and broad shoulders of Archie Henderson. Vincenzo had seen him in the showers. Probably six feet tall and 14 stone with not an inch of fat. Vincenzo had not had much to do with Archie, who seemed shy, and being in the rugby team moved in different circles. Vincenzo liked what he saw and maybe it would not be too late to get better acquainted.

The bell rang and class was finally over. A noise built as chairs were quickly pushed back, conversation started and a general stampede grew as students tried to leave the room as quick as possible. It was lunchtime and the boys moved as fast as they could to the refectory. The food was not bad for school food but two courses was not enough for most boys. Having wolfed down their food they sat patiently like dogs waiting to be fed scraps. There were some boys who did not finish their meals and Vincenzo was always one of those, who regularly doled out his dessert.

Vincenzo liked to think that it was just his way of watching his figure but subconsciously was it a way of making friends? It was potentially a way of taking the sting out of being a cross-dresser in an all-male school. To some extent it worked and Vincenzo dodged and weaved his way through school without compromising his sexuality. He had good days and not so good days and inevitably he fell foul of the authorities.

The school had Dress Down Days throughout the year when pupils could wear anything but the school uniform. Of course the rules for Dress Down Days had not considered the tastes of a cross-dresser and as ever at school an arbitrary interpretation of the rules was the norm. On one Dress Down Day Vincenzo decided to test the boundaries. Dressed in a woman’s hot pink blouse tied in a knot across his midriff and a pair of low-cut jeans but not as low-cut as they became in the Noughties, Vincenzo luckily topped this off with sneakers and not high-heals. The clincher though for the headmaster was the eye-liner.

Having reported to the Headmaster’s office he was told:

‘Dress Down Day does not mean Make Up Day Pritchard. Go home, remove the eyeliner and be back in an hour. If you are not back in an hour with eye-liner removed to my satisfaction you will be in Saturday morning detention for the rest of the term. As it is you will be in detention this Saturday. Now go.’

Vincenzo was back within the hour to the Headmaster’s satisfaction. A rebel to the end Vincenzo was now wearing women’s knickers but nobody could tell. The school was agog with gossip and Vincenzo’s reputation had grown considerably but whether it had been enhanced was uncertain.

The Incident

Lunchbreak was over and the bell had gone. Most of the pupils were in their classrooms but Archie headed for the toilets. On opening the door Archie saw Smart pinning Vincenzo to a cubicle frame with his forearm crushing his windpipe. Standing next to them was Webb, a close friend of Smart’s and easily led especially when it came to Smart. Smart was the 1st XV scrum-half and while he was a team-mate Archie did not warm to him. The mouthy, in-your-face, stroppy bastard was fine around the base of the scrum. Archie had lost count of the times that Smart had started a fight on the pitch and the forwards had to wade in to defend him.

Taken into real life Smart’s behaviour was just not acceptable. Archie particularly did not like the bullying someone who could not defend themselves. Archie’s view was that if you wanted to inflict violence on another mammal then do it on the rugby pitch.

Archie pushed Smart away. ‘That’s enough!’ said Archie.

‘What fucking business is it of yours Henderson!’ shouted Smart. He was clearly not happy as he was used to getting his own way around school.

‘I’m making it my business’ Archie said as he took a step towards Smart. While Smart was giving away at least three stone to Archie he threw a punch, which Archie deflected with his left arm. Not deterred Smart threw another punch. This time Archie grabbed the arm and threw Smart into a toilet cubicle with such force that if the door had been locked it would have been taken off its hinges. Smart landed hard against the back wall.

Archie stood in the cubicle doorway blocking Smart’s exit. Webb just stood there and thought better of taking on Archie. Ever the aggressor Smart was going to fight back. He again tried another punch, which Archie easily blocked and pushed Smart further back in the cubicle.

‘Let me out you fucking bastard!’

‘Not until Vincenzo has gone’ said Archie.

Vincenzo was standing partially recovering his breath but also wondering in thrall that someone at last had stood up for him. ‘Get out Vinnie’, said Archie, ‘then I can let Smart out’. Vincenzo was still standing there stunned. Smart then decided to kick Archie in the stomach but Archie stepped sideways to avoid the kick. As he did so he grabbed Archie’s leg from underneath and raised it hard and fast and with a shove Smart ended up on the floor beside the toilet.

By now the noise had attracted attention and Soapy entered the toilets. ‘What is going on here? Henderson step away from the cubicle.’

Archie stepped back. At least Smart could not attack Vincenzo nor him in front of a Master. Smart came out of the cubicle and proceeded to tell Soames that Archie had attacked him without provocation and Webb could back him up.

‘Webb, is this true?’ said Soapy to which Webb confirmed it was. ‘What have you got to say for yourself Henderson?’

‘He’s lying Sir. I was defending myself and Pritchard from Smart’ said Archie.

Soapy looked at Vincenzo and he did not like what he saw. In fact he never liked what he saw when it came to Vincenzo. ‘Well Pritchard?’

Vincenzo nodded that Archie was telling the truth. Soapy was not so sure. ‘This seems unlikely. Smart is a prefect and why would a prefect be attacking pupils?’ Nobody had an answer for this. Archie now remembered Smart was a prefect and he was not. This was not going to look good.

The result was that Soapy took all four boys to the Headmaster. While the two conflicting stories were supported by two parties Archie was suspended from school. Smart being a prefect carried the day. Archie would now have to tell his parents as they would be receiving a letter. Life was about to get a whole lot more miserable.

The Fallout

Archie’s family could be described as one of modest means. His parents, both lowland Scots had for their own reasons come South and had met at some long-forgotten function. His father Les, a power plant worker, was a mild and considerate man. The same could not be said for his wife Moira.

A hard-faced, sinewy woman of small stature, who rarely smiled unless at someone’s misfortune, she always had the air of someone hard done by. One might have made allowance for her if in fact this was the case but it was not. She was like this from the day she was spat out into the world. Her father used to say the softest thing about her were her teeth. As a woman her demeanour was sharpened by her two sisters being bright enough to go to university while she could not. The intra-family rivalry burned hot inside her.

A gossip of the most malicious kind, Moira was a would-be social climber but she did not have the wherewithal to be a successful at it. Working part-time in a milliner’s shop Moira’s demeanour would depend on where she thought each woman stood in society. Those of a ‘higher standing’ she would try to treat well but she still gave the impression of a Rottweiler trying to share its chuck steak. She had a particularly long-running war with a Mrs. Laurence and they would keep score as to who had managed to get one over on the other.

Her family were treated little better and it could be said that Les only stuck around to protect Archie and his younger sister Lucy. While Les was not altogether successful in this endeavour stick around he did.

It was into this cauldron of family life that Archie announced his suspension from school. He could not avoid it as the letter was coming. As a one-sided civil war broke out some would say that they saw the roof lift off that night but that was surely an optical illusion. The noise could certainly be heard down the street and as a regular occurrence some neighbours would congregate across the street in their deckchairs. Like trainspotters of steam locomotives they would wait for Moira to get up a head of steam. Unlike the Flying Scotsman, which would take hours to get up a head of steam, Moira could get going in a matter of minutes. The trainspotters were out in full force tonight and they were treated to what seemed like multiple volcanic eruptions spewing molten lava into the air like a firework display.

Two days after The Incident Archie and his parents met the Headmaster. Archie had expected just the four of them to be at the meeting. On walking in to the office Archie saw Smart and someone who must be his father sitting next to him. As they sat down Archie’s sense of doom strengthened.

As the Headmaster began to speak Archie looked across at the Smarts. Smart Senior was also short but with a condescending demeanour trying hard to hide a pugnacious face. This he picked up from his years as a barrister in the county courts. Smart Senior had changed his name by deed poll before going to university. Focused on being a lawyer Smart Senior thought that he would not thrive in the legal world with a name like Eccles. ‘Smart’ seemed so much more appropriate and it made an immediate statement or so it seemed to Smart Senior’s fetid mind. He now mostly represented small-time, would-be big-time criminals. He too wanted to make it big time with big-time criminals but this had eluded him. His modus operandi was to get his tanks on someone else’s lawn and get the intimidation in early. It mostly worked and it suited his personality like a well-worn glove.

Archie was used to intimidation playing in the front row. Some opponents tried the Smart method but you never knew whether that was bluster until you went packed down for the first few scrums. But that was rugby and this was the real world. Archie knew this would be different. Smart caught Archie’s eye and smirked.

The Headmaster was known as ‘Flaky’ because the boys never knew how he would react to a certain situation. The one certainty about the Headmaster was his fawning respect for wealthy parents. He particularly fawned over those that donated to the school. Smart Senior had been a generous donor and to say that this has swayed the Headmaster’s decision to appoint Smart Junior as a prefect might be ungenerous but true.

As the Headmaster continued speaking it became evident that the suspension would be maintained. Then he turned to Smart Senior and asked him if he wished to comment. Smart Senior relished moments like this. There was blood in the water and he could smell it. Clearly knowing that the Headmaster was a man who could be turned he adopted the following argument.

‘Yes thank you Headmaster. I regard the attack of this boy on my son as very grave indeed. This boy Henderson is significantly bigger than my son and attacked him when he was doing his duty as a Prefect. I regard this as an example of gross bullying. The only witness in support of Henderson is the boy Pritchard, who has a record of insubordination at school I am told that is lengthy indeed. I cannot see why his statement that my son was bullying him can be accepted. It is clear that my son was reprimanding Pritchard as was his responsibility as a Prefect. Pritchard is trying to conceal his misdemeanour by lying to support Henderson. In a court of law he would be regarded as an unreliable witness and his testimony dismissed. As such there is neither witness nor evidence to confirm that Henderson was acting in self-defence. Any decent jury would therefore agree that Henderson has assaulted my son without due cause and so must be punished appropriately. In the circumstances I would argue that suspension of this boy is inappropriate and that expulsion is the only option. Headmaster, I have to say that given this we will be considering our legal options.’

After having given his fulsome summing up to the ‘jury’ he said no more. There was a long silence. Archie understood the implications of this as the Headmaster was likely to side with Smart Senior. The blood drained from his face.

The Headmaster, having nodded sagely through the barrister’s speech, became fully alert with the mention of considering legal options. He turned towards the Henderson’s and asked them ‘Mr. and Mrs. Henderson, do you have anything to say?’

Archie’s father said nothing neither having the words nor the presence to stand up to such an argument. Archie’s mother, in awe of two men of learning and high social standing, also could not speak. Archie probably had it coming anyway. Archie thought of speaking but thought better of it as he knew he would not be given a chance to speak.

Having heard no response from the Henderson’s the Headmaster ‘addressed the court’ and passed down his judgement. He may as well have put on a black cap on his wig for he informed Archie that he was now expelled. This would be reported to his proposed university, which would not accept him as a student however good his grades were. Archie would not be escaping home.

A Glimmer of Hope

Archie was more distraught than you could imagine but he was hiding it well. University was his passport to a new life and of course his mother weighed in with her usual bitterness: ‘how embarrassed she was’, blah, ‘shame on the family’, blah, ‘Mrs. Laurence will never let me forget it’, blah, ‘you’ve always been no good.’

Archie’s father could not get a word in but looked considerately at Archie, who caught the look and appreciated it. When his sister Lucy came home from school there was more commotion as the story was repeated ad nauseum. Lucy felt for Archie but could not give too much away in front of her mother, who had now developed a real head of steam and was going to make the whole family’s life a misery. Archie felt too sick to eat any dinner, which is saying something given his prodigious appetite.

At seven o’clock there was a knock on the door. It was answered luckily by Les, who called Archie to the door. Standing there was Vincenzo. ‘Fancy a pint?’ Before he could answer Les gave Archie a fiver and shoved him out the door. Somewhat non-plussed Archie just stood there but Vincenzo grabbed his arm and said ‘let’s go quickly while we have a chance’. Outside the audience of trainspotters had thinned somewhat. Only the diehards were left waiting to watch for the after eruptions in Moira’s volcano. Sitting in deckchairs, most now had a blanket over their legs. Some waved to Archie but in reality they were disappointed as with Archie out of the house Moira might calm down.

As they walked down the road Vincenzo said ‘Shall we go to The Lamb?’ Archie just nodded. While he had come to his defence he had never spoken much to Vincenzo but now he was going to have a drink at his local with a cross-dresser. At least he wasn’t wearing eye-liner tonight.

With their beers they found a quiet corner and Vincenzo launched forth with an update. There was so much to tell and he was now a man on a mission. The school was in uproar at Archie’s expulsion. Everyone knew what Smart was capable of and everyone knew Archie. All the pupils except Webb supported Archie. Some teachers had gone as a group to make representations to the Headmaster. Even the Head Boy had chipped in for Archie as he knew Smart liked to bully. However the Headmaster was not for turning.

Vincenzo was breathless with excitement. Archie was his hero and now he was going to his hero’s aid. Now he told Archie that Hugh Napier would be joining them at the pub at eight. Hugh had approached him and wanted to help. His mother was a human rights lawyer and she would help Archie.

Archie just sat there trying to take it all in. His beer hand began to shake a little partly out of fear partly out of excitement. At least he was not alone. Many believed his story even if his mother did not.

Hugh sauntered in just after eight. He offered them a beer and came back with three pints. Hugh was not an automatic friendship candidate for Archie. Certainly not one of the rugby team he had a reputation for fighting for many causes: Live Aid, CND, anti-Apartheid. It was Hugh’s in-your-face attitude about these causes that Archie found both embarrassing and tedious. Archie nonetheless recognised a boy with both passion and a defender of underdogs. Hugh went through Archie’s story: the fight, Soapy’s intervention and the two meetings with the Headmaster. Recognising that Archie had clearly been badly treated he said would have a word with his mother. All three swapped numbers and agreed to speak the next day.

Hugh rang the next day and they arranged to meet Hugh’s mother that night. Jill Napier, in her late forties, was a member of one of London’s Inns of Court. She was at the peak of her career after having established a formidable reputation as a human rights barrister. Although Vincenzo was at his side Archie was visibly embarrassed by asking for help. Sensing this Jill put him at his ease but got Vincenzo to speak first, which he did at length. Having heard the facts she was appalled that Vincenzo’s statement should so easily be discarded most probably based on his being gay.

‘So what do your parents think about this, Archie?’

Archie hesitated as he did not really want to discuss his family. ‘Well nothing altogether good’.

‘Really?’ said Jill.

‘I do not get on with my mother and she thinks I’m guilty’.

‘Why would she think that?’ said Jill.

‘Well because of the lawyer’ Archie replied.

‘What lawyer?’

‘Smart’s father. He’s a lawyer’ said Archie.

Jill’s eyebrows rose just a tad. ‘You mean to say Smart had legal representation from his father and you had no representation?’

Archie nodded. ‘Well there is an abuse of process for a start’ said Jill. ‘This is turning out to be very one-sided. What sort of man is the headmaster?’

‘A real tosser’ said Hugh. ‘He just likes to suck up to the wealthy parents’. Vincenzo agreed.

Jill was getting the picture. ‘So Archie, I think you have been badly done by and you have a good case to have your expulsion overturned.’ Archie did not know what to say.

Jill continued ‘Would you be happy for us to represent you legally against the school?’ Archie managed to say yes but asked how much it would cost.

‘Nothing’ continued Jill. ‘This is just the sort of abuse, which really annoys me and I am happy to do this pro bono as you are a friend of Hugh’s.’

‘Pro bono?’ asked Archie.

‘Pro bono means for free. We lawyers do that occasionally’ explained Jill. It was sinking in but Archie was lost for words.

Jill sensing this continued. ‘I would like to get a friend of mine involved Brendan Ogilvie. He is a solicitor and is much more experienced than I at these sorts of cases. I am sure he will be prepared to help. We studied law at university together.’ They had in fact been lovers and Brendan still held out a candle for her but Jill did not think it altogether necessary to explain that right now.

‘What would your parents say if I ring them up to explain that we will represent you?’ said Jill.

‘My mother will not be happy’ Archie said.

‘And what about your father? Asked Jill.

‘You will be lucky to speak to him as mum is the only one allowed to use the phone’ explained Archie.

‘OK,’ said Jill, ‘so how old are you’.

‘I’ve just turned eighteen,’ said Archie.

‘Well that’s all right then. We do not need their permission to represent you’ said Jill. ‘I will of course ring your mother to explain the situation’. There would be trouble with this thought Archie but he would have to live with it.

‘And you Vincenzo,’ said Jill, ‘do you want us to represent you?’

The boys did not understand why she said this. ‘Why Mrs. Napier?’ said Vincenzo.

‘Please call me Jill. The reason we will be representing you is that you will be bringing a charge of assault against Smart. We will also be charging Smart with assault on Archie.’

Archie’s jaw dropped a touch. Vincenzo said he agreed to the representation and beamed. Hugh whooped and raised his fist ‘Go Mum’.

When Hugh had quietened down Jill continued ‘So Vincenzo, you are 18?’ Vincenzo nodded.

‘I will speak to Brendan and once I have confirmed he will help us you will both need to see him. So let’s keep in touch via Hugh and I will speak to both your parents. Now I have some papers to read so you boys need to keep quiet.’ There was a pause and then she hinted ‘I would imagine you want to go to the pub so off you go.’

With that Archie’s life may have taken a new turn. Hugh and Vincenzo definitely wanted to celebrate while Archie just needed a couple of pints to calm his nerves.

Tank Battle

The next day Archie and Vincenzo took the train to London to see Brendan Ogilvie in his offices. Vincenzo was taking a sickie in the last few days of term and Archie was expelled so no repercussions from school. They took most of the day to explain the story, make statements for their sworn affidavits and then sign them.

Meanwhile Jill had rung Archie’s mother. Archie had not told his mother of the developments so she was not only non-plussed but also especially angry that she had not been told, had not been involved and would not be involved as Archie was now 18 and could make his own decisions. Archie paid for it well that night.

Two days later the meeting with the Headmaster had been arranged. The Headmaster had expected only Archie, Jill and Archie’s parents. Archie walked in first followed by Vincenzo, then Jill and Brendan. Also present was Smart and Smart Senior.

The Headmaster started with ‘Why is Pritchard here?’

‘Because we are here not just to discuss Archie Henderson’s expulsion’ said Jill without giving further explanation. ‘Jill Napier’ she said as she shook the Headmaster’s hand and that of Smart Senior.

‘May I introduce my partner in this case, Brendan Ogilvie of Bunyan, Ogilvie and Temple’. Archie’s tanks were now on the lawn. Neither of the Smarts were smirking now.

Smart Senior arched up ‘What case? Headmaster this meeting was clearly meant to discuss this yobbo’s expulsion!’, pointing at Archie.

Before the Headmaster could speak Jill interjected with ‘We are not just here to discuss Archie’s erroneous expulsion but also the two cases of common assault by your son.’

The Headmaster wanted to get control of this situation but before he could try Brendan carried on:

‘Both Archie and Vincenzo have asked me to legally represent them. Having listened to their testimonies I believe your son has a case of common assault to answer for against both of them. I have here sworn affidavits by both of them accusing your son of common assault and we will be forwarding these to the Police with the view to your son being charged.’

‘Give me those’ said Smart Senior.

‘You will be able to see them once we go to trial’ said Brendan as he took them out of reach of Smart Senior.

‘You won’t get far with an unreliable witness like Pritchard’ said Smart Senior.

‘Oh why would that be Mr. Smart’ said Jill, ‘is it perhaps that he is gay? Mmm?’ as she gave him the Margaret Thatcher look. ‘I understand you said that any jury would regard Vincenzo as unreliable. Some would say that is drawing a long bow but I would call it something else. I would say when it comes to unreliability we only have to look at your son. He has quite a reputation in this school for bullying and we already have several boys prepared to testify to this in court.’

This stopped Smart Senior in his tracks but Jill continued ‘You can of course not only defend these charges but you can also counter-claim if think you can win. Either way reputations as to witness reliability will definitely be discussed.’ One tank knocked out.

While Vincenzo wished Jill was his mother, Archie was wondering when it would all end in tears. The Headmaster just looked shell-shocked as if a bomb had just blown all his clothes off. What had the world come to when fellow legal professionals were going hammer and tongs in his office.

Brendan took over the conversation.

‘Headmaster, we now need to turn our attention to Archie’s expulsion. Having read the testimonies of both boys it is the opinion of myself and my learned colleague that there has been an abuse of process in determining punishment for Archie. It is clear that it is the words of two boys against another two boys but you have decided a punishment with no clear evidence. The abuse of process has been compounded by the boy Smart having legal representation by his father but Archie was not given the same opportunity to be legally represented so was clearly at a disadvantage. This is grossly unfair and we will be reporting you to the Department of Education with a recommendation of disciplinary action. It is also clear that as the Headmaster you have appointed a prefect, who clearly has a reputation for bullying and calls into question your judgement. Further Archie’s expulsion will mean he will not go to university, which will significantly hinder his career development and lower his earning capacity throughout his lifetime. My client views this as detrimental to his financial well-being and we will be seeking damages of one million Pounds.’

The Headmaster was riveted to his chair unable to move or speak. Rigour Mortis seemed to have set in. Brendan continued ‘This is of course conditional on the expulsion. If by the end of the week we do not hear from you that the expulsion is rescinded we will carry through with our claim for damages.’ Tank number two knocked out.

Smart Senior started to bluster about not listening to them as they are bluffing. Jill stood up and said ‘I think we are finished here. Headmaster I really do suggest you take independent legal advice rather than listen to Mr. Smart here. The implications for you and the school will be quite profound if you do not. Good Day to you.’ With that she left the office followed by her ‘team’.

By the end of the week Archie’s parents received a letter informing them that Archie’s expulsion and suspension were rescinded. The Headmaster had clearly taken legal advice. Archie’s mother could not understand it. Archie however just smiled for a very long time. As to the court case the Police reviewed statements from all parties and having decided no significant physical harm had been done they decided not to press charges.

Postscript

During the Summer holidays before university Archie was not idle. Always prepared to work he managed to find work in London each week. The Evening Standard was always full of temporary jobs and while it was a bit of a commute Archie was always working. During August he found work locally for two weeks with a fertiliser company delivering bags to customers. Working with Hugh Napier they had invited Vincenzo along with them on the truck on Archie’s last Friday. They had a long route delivering bags to customers throughout the home counties. Their last delivery was late in the afternoon in a small but old country town. On driving down the High Street they were about to pass an eighteenth-century inn.

A car pulled out from a parking spot in front of them and they came to a stop. Vincenzo suddenly started elbowing both Archie and Hugh and pointed to a red Mercedes soft top with its roof down in front of the inn.

Smart Senior was coming out of the Inn and was walking towards the Mercedes with a woman easily young enough to be his daughter. Big blond hair, short skirt and high heels this was clearly no lawyer/client relationship. To the untrained eye it clearly looked like a case of afternoon delight. The giveaway was Smart Senior’s arm firmly round her waist and her loud giggling. Hugh pulled up next to the Mercedes.

Vincenzo was in the passenger seat next to the window. He leaned out so that Smart Senior could see him.

‘Oh hello Mr. Smart, how are you? I see you are keeping good company – daughter? Niece? Yes she must be your niece. That’s normally the explanation.’ By now Smart Senior was showing imminent signs of outrage.

Vincenzo continued: ‘Hello darling,’ speaking to the young woman, ‘I hope he is treating you well?’

‘Oh yes,’ she replied, ‘he’s ever so generous.’

‘Yes I am sure he is. There is nothing like free legal advice, is there Mr. Smart? I should know as does Archie here,’ said Vincenzo as he pointed to Archie next to him. ‘Archie, wave to the nice couple here.’ Archie was not sure so Vincenzo put his right arm round Archie’s neck and pulled his head towards the window so that Smart Senior could see Archie reluctantly wave in his direction.

The young woman was clearly non-plussed so Vincenzo explained: ‘Oh Mr. Smart and Archie here are old, old friends.’

‘Who is Mr. Smart,’ she asked.

Ignoring her ignorance Vincenzo continued: ‘Oh yes, all three of us were at school with Mr. Smart’s son. Have you met Mrs. Smart?’ The young woman finally got it and glared at Smart Senior who could only say ‘let me explain’.

‘Anyway we must dash. Home to wash and brush up. We have a big night ahead of us.’ As they drove away Vincenzo leaned out the window and shouted ‘Give her one for me’. The boys were in a good mood. Smart Senior could do nothing as they were no longer at school and if he tried any form of comeback they could just tell his wife.

5,840 words

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