Loved in Half Measures

Thank you for not being there for me when I needed you most. You taught me to not expect anything from anyone.

I forgave a lot but I never forget what was said and done.

How you treated me dictates the role I played in your life.

I didn't chase, I followed your lead.

A wise person once told me "let people do what they want to do, then you'll see all the answers you were looking for".

What happened killed my self-esteem and stole my worthiness. It made me feel ugly and unlovable.

It riddled me with shame, guilt and more than anything it buried who I really was.

I learnt to forgive myself for viewing someone's lack of reciprocation as a challenge to convince them of my worth.

There will be nights when I fall apart and no one will notice the morning after I spent putting it back together, to discover who I was when the pain has gone.

I stopped trying so hard to make it right with you and started using the same effort to make it right with myself instead.

I thought I had a second chance at loving you but really it was just another lesson in letting you go.

At some point I realised that some things aren't meant to work out and that some wounds takes a lifetime to heal. My heart needs more time to accept what my mind already knows.

I care, maybe a bit too much than I should and that's why it hurts. That's why everything bothers me the way it does. I feel too much and I don't know when or how to stop it. I let people get the best of me and I always give them more than what they deserve.

I broke my own heart by expecting you to change when I knew that I should have moved on a long time ago.

You are selfish. Even after breaking my heart you kept coming back just to make sure I can't recover.

Not one scar on my heart came from the enemy, they all came from people who said they loved me.

So in the end, I walked away because you were too busy finding faults in me while I was overlooking yours.

I seriously cannot wait until all the pieces comes together and I finally understand why I went through everything I did.

Author Notes: I waited for you to walk through the door. I stared at your empty side of the bed. I looked for you through the crowd. I longed for the life we almost had. I was silently hoping that time has made a mistake and has already reserved a moment for us to find each other again. I’m confident in knowing what I can bring to the table that I’m willing to eat alone, until I find the right one. You forfeited the right to be concerned of my well-being, when you became the reason my being wasn’t well. I have no energy for hate. I either love you, wish you well or hope you heal.

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