Music Is Healing Reviews
5 stars because this is a nice, uplifting story with a main character I cared about and supporting characters that I liked. I am not really familiar with writing for this age group, but it seems age appropriate to me.
I think your paragraph formatting was lost when you transferred it over to this site? Highly recommend fixing it, if you can, for easier reading.
A couple questions and typos -
Dylan wanted to be all those names the were calling him. He wanted to make friends, to be "normal," whatever that meant. - I’m confused. Does he actually desire to be all those names -“weirdo, freak, and loser?” Does he feel those names fit?
But that incident from 8th Grade closed him off from other people. - show don’t tell. The image of laughing faces could pop up in his mind when he thinks about talking, or something like that.
he replied honestly. [new paragraph] "Yeah, that makes sense," Ty said
this time his smirk returned - checking if ‘smirk’ is the word you want.
Awesome how he talks himself into auditioning!
She tells him that his father abandoned her when she was pregnant. - I’d move this detail to a place where it would fit better, or drop it/change it (his father wasn’t in the picture/had never been around).
Ty caught Dylan by surprise when he suddenly put his arm around him. - Is this is at the school? If so, we need a transition that gets us to Ty’s house.... "Well, here we are, little buddy," Ty said. Dylan looked forward and saw Ty's house.
Ty nodded to Dylan, a [notion - motion]
me this talent show, that I'm sure you guys - grammar thing - comma before ‘which,’ not before ‘that’ - might read better if - ..me[,] this talent show that I'm ...at wouldn’t...? (a comma indicates a pause in speach)
Dylan like[d] being around them.
Just as Dylan was about to [verb] that again, his mom pulled him in for a hug.
The talent show [had - delete] finally arrived.
All students entering the talent show please enter the auditorium at this time. - 2 ‘enter’s in the same sentence (change one)
Indicate a scene change ### here as the point of view is changing - All the guys in the band looked at each other. "Guys, do you think that's..." Chase started to ask.
Janna, guide the performers to [their places/starting point/the waiting area?...] behind the stage.
Beth found the band and directed them to behind the stage. - ‘to behind the stage’ sounds awkward. Is it really how they say it?
Dylan was about to run off the [stood - stage], run home,
[He then - Then he, or He] glared at the guys... (more active)
His mind was blank[.] He just heard the band start playing the beginning of the song, closed his [eyes] and
When the song was over [rand - and] Dylan [had sang - had sung, or just ‘sang’]
"Thanks, mom[,]" he smiled as he wiped
If you have local writers groups, I highly recommend trying them out until you find one you like. Mine has been invaluable to me. (The more eyes on something, the better!) Good luck with your writing!
this is honestly so bloody beautiful, like honestly.... great job capturing all that emotion, I could feel everything that was written here as if I was there.. and it also helps with the immersion for my name also being Dylan, but unlike this Dylan I don't have the kickass singing voice to boot lol.