New Girl Reviews
I think you have good bones for a plot here, but you're rushing it too much. I think you're skipping through vital parts of the narrative and the 1st person POV doesn't work here at all for me. As a result, the ending becomes a tired fizzle when it should sparkle.
Also make sure that you understand how proper dialogue punctuation works. It makes your writing look unpolished and lazy when it's consistently incorrect. Keep writing!