Some of the word choices in your story ("CHASMS in your face" - "FONDLING your coarse hair" - "With FLOCKING tears " - "Approaching QUAKE of footsteps") jarred with me. What should have been a memorably poignant piece of writing was spoilt by clumsy and inappropriate word use. Sometime the simplest phrasing is the most meaningful instead of 'overdramatising' with unnecessary descriptions.

Overall though, I liked the piece. A sensitive subject well handled.