This was a teaser — I had to think about it and finally came to the conclusion that Dr. Yolanda Henshaw is actually the patient and has somehow commandeered a syringe filled with who knows what.
This piece is almost perfect: 2nd paragraph ‘gotta to’ needs to be changed to either ‘gotta know how’ or ‘got to know how.’
10th paragraph – omit the ‘I say.’ At the end of the paragraph – not necessary. The reader knows who’s speaking.
The characters are authentic and engaging — I cared what happened to them.
The story is plausible, the pace is good. The writing is fluent and readable. This author has an excellent imagination for storytelling. The narrative voice captures the characters.
The dialogue reads like authentic speech. Descriptions are effortless and create a vivid and strong setting, evoking mood and atmosphere.