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"RASCAL" Reviews

Andy (Formerly Apemann) gave a rating of 3

There is a certain pleasing quality about your story-telling prowess, which is quasi-Victorian in style. Unfortunately your erratic punctuation and mind-boggling looseness with the principal character's name undermines much of what you are trying to achieve. Coupled with the rather overwhelming length of the opening couple of paragraphs of your story and your reader is left with a scary challenge to continue with your story. Personally, after the first couple of paragraphs I lost interest somewhat.

You need to introduce your main character by his FULL name from the off. It is disconcerting as a reader to initially meet "Mister Gray" and a few sentences later be confronted with "Peter Gray". This is clumsy writing and needs to be redressed.

Some of your punctuation is baffling. Inserting colons, semi-colons and commas in what appears to be random places throws-out the flow of the piece, making it much harder as a reader to really engage with the story of the characters. The somewhat 'stop-start' feel of your writing is uncomfortable to read in places. If you read your own work out loud you will gain a greater insight into how it actually reads. It's a useful technique to employ when trying to learn whether what you've written actually makes sense.

Edit you story into shorter paragraphs. Shorter 'bite-size' paragraphs are more easily digested and absorbed than long rambling ones. In addition any dialogue should preferably be written separately to the body of the paragraph.

You have talent, that much is clear. You also have some bad habits that with advice and guidance you can easily overcome. Keep writing!

Goldenzuk Thank you so much!!!! Unfortunately, i think i never could be able to do it even close to OK.
English its my biggest problem; i can write in Russian but ..... when i read it i cant see my mistakes because don't know how it should be. Thank You again :)
Author -

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