Searching

My name is Monique. I'm 12... 13 in a month. I have wasted the last two years of my life. At least two, that is. I've made stupid mistakes. I've struggled. I've resolved to fix things. I've failed. So, I've tried again. Failed.

Here I am. Searching. Who am I? Why do I exist? Will people fall apart if/when I die? Is my family strong enough? Am I strong enough?

But

What is strength?

Strength-

the quality or state of being physically strong.
the capacity of an object or substance to withstand great force or pressure.

I'm not physically strong. I can't withstand the force of my own emotions.

So.

The question isn't whether or not I'm strong enough. But rather, am I weak enough?

I don't know the answer.

And so,

I keep searching.

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