Seventh Trap Reviews
Hi Justice! I had the pleasure of reviewing your story for a school project and I wanted to share my thoughts with you.
First off, I noticed that you start a lot of sentences with "He did x,", which is fine a few times, but it's important to mix it up so your writing doesn't become repetitive. For a sentence that you have in there, "He sat on the bed and texted his girlfriend Caroline.", you could try something like "Justin sat down and decided to text his girlfriend, Caroline."
Also, we don't learn Justin's name until the text exchange he has with his girlfriend, you can try introducing him with his name early on so you can use "he" and "Justin" when you are talking about him.
The point of view is from the third person, but something you might want to consider is writing it from the first person, so we the readers know what Justin is thinking and feeling about the situation. He doesn't seem all that scared when he walks out to the edge of the woods by himself, even though someone or something could be out there making that noise, possibly something dangerous. He still doesn't seem concerned when he gets locked out of his own house, or when he finds that his phone has been moved from the bedroom to the basement! If that were me, I'd be flipping out at the sounds alone, let alone the rest of it. I think you should try to make it more apparent what Justin is feeling.
Lastly, I would reconsider using his phone as the object that gets moved at all. I don't go anywhere without my phone, and I can't imagine someone who thinks something strange is going on outside of their house would leave their phone while they go investigate. Maybe instead of his phone, a book that he was reading had been moved, or the remote to the tv, something that wouldn't just end up in the basement.
My last questions are who is doing this? And why are they doing it? Was it really possible for whoever, or whatever this was to get into his house while he was investigating the area outside? Why would they lock him out of his house and put his phone in the basement?
I'm interested to see more from you, and I hope you don't mind this long review!
My oh my! What a story this is! Always love a good old adrenaline rush. Love it!