I'm with Lemonslice here. I've mentioned before the 'incomplete' feeling of your works and this is yet another example. It's become tiresome as there is absolutely no need for it.

Yes, there is a limit to the NUMBER of items you can post at any one time. However, there is no limit on the LENGTH of what you post... Instead of posting piecemeal items, why not wait until you have a substantial chunk of a story to tell instead, rather like my 'Going Away' series? Each chapter is around 2000 words long, instead of the wasteful couple of hundred words you keep posting. Give yourself the opportunity to produce the best work you can.

You continually let yourself down and it's annoying because you are better than the stuff you post. PLEASE take more time and more care in what you submit. Other's will praise you to the hilt because that's what they choose to do. Realists will tell you the truth and give you advice, because that's more honest and helpful.

I would prefer if you actually wrote a finished story instead of posting these excerpts and vignettes. Your first paragraph is an excellent hook, but the rest is just repetition of the same idea without anything really happening.