She Wolf Pt. 3 Reviews
The use of numerals in prose is really not very good practice. It is preferable to spell out numbers (seven years old, the nineteen-sixties, for example) than to use digits.
There are large gaps in your story: you basically gloss over a SEVEN YEAR OLD girl finding a mangled human body - which would have been a terrifying and traumatic experience for anyone, let alone a young child - and move on to having the resort reopened with the girl as an adult. This cannot and does not work!
There is little point in introducing an event in a story if it serves no purpose. You HAVE to have a reason for doing so other than for 'filler', which I suspect this example is. That's fine... if you can get away with it, but to drop in a massive bombshell like the one you have and then totally ignore it is clumsiness unbounded. You need to either remove the reference or explain it. As it stands it mars the story badly.
You need to separate your dialogue from the paragraph., thus:
It wasn’t long before he spotted Kyle on the couch. Before he could comment or get any closer I blurted out nervously.
“Something bad happened.”
It was like I had confirmed his suspicions. Without a word he lifted the blanket.
“Fuck Jane, I’m so sorry.” He did not react as I expected him to. Instead he hugged me hard.
“I’ll explain everything, but first we need to dispose of his body.”
He went back to his house and brought back what I assumed was a body bag. Tom placed Kyle’s body in the large bag and zipped it up.
"I’m going to take care of this.” He lifted the body bag. “Go clean yourself up and get some sleep. I’ll check-up on you when I get back.”
It's much easier to read and easier to follow when you write as above. Take care with punctuation, too (see my edits in the above sample).
As I have said previously, there are good points to your writing, but bad practices are letting you down. A lot more care and attention to detail will help, as will having a clear idea of where you want to take your story. If it doesn't really fit in the story DON'T WRITE IT is a good rule-of-thumb...
I think there's somewhat of a divide between writing styles here; young hobbyist versus a more serious, eye-for-detail writer. This is where the review system is limited by covering everything with just one rating.
Personally, I think that abiding to general rules of grammar should adhered to as best as one can, but it's always an ongoing learning process, especially for younger users. Even older users, who aren't serious writers have trouble remembering what to do and what not to do. I would say that Short Stories 101 is a platform for all kinds of users, not just serious writers with strict rules. As long as it's not a waste of time reading and isn't illegible (lyk usin txt spk, etc), I think it should be acceptable.
The divide clashes when some users may want reviews on the actual story line, rather than the way it is written. I think this is down to me to find a solution to this problem, because this is what Andy is often reviewing stories on, which may not be important to the reader or what the author wants from the site.
Now let's cover the individual comments:
Andy, even though your review may be considered thorough and hard, it isn't really aggressive. However, some of your reviews are . Please avoid being rude in reviews and comments. If someone is rude to you, just report it to me and I'll deal with it, but I will not allow a toxic environment, because that's not good for the site
Jozay, there's probably a better way of dealing with it than responding with what you initially commented. I see you deleted them, but I did see.
Same applies, if reviews or comments overstep the mark, then please report to me immediately and they'll be dealt with. Whether it be rude, inflammatory, or harassment - let me know.