She's Everything Im Not

i look at her and i think

shes everything im not

shes everything i want to be

shes he one boys imediately look at in a crowd

shes the one boys smile at and talk about

shes the reason i no longer wear clothes that cling to my body

shes the reason why i cant eat what i want

shes the reason i cant look in the mirror

shes the popular girl

the girl that everyone wants to be with

that everyone desires

yet no one has her

shes the reason i do not go out in winter and even more when its summer

i cannot wear a coat it makes me look too big, ill just freeze. its fine.

hoodies and baggy tops are the only things i can wear, the onky things i can bae to look at myself in

im hiding under a layer of fabric, pretneding that the body underneath it is not mine

pretending im ok, when all im doing is being loud

shes the reason i cannot get out of bed most days

shes the reason i contemplate having a shower or brushing my teeth

i think whats the point?

no one looks at me anyway

shes the reason i hate myself

because shes everything im not

and i cant blame her for it

becayse she feels the same about somebody else.