Silent Sentiments Reviews
Hey there I just wanted to write I was greatly inspired by this work, I analysed it for a workpiece at my school. It is phenomenally written and I found myself extremely intrigued by it the whole way through. I absolutely loved how emotional it was and its underlying message was very powerful, thanks again.
This piece is another jewel from a mind that sees far beyond the pall of the mundane. The pace necessary to enjoy its perfection is interrupted a number of times through no fault of the writer. The fault lies in the language limitations one faces in bringing ethereal observations to the written word.
After several readings it becomes obvious that nature is far better equipped to communicate within its realm than humans are within theirs.
The last paragraphs of the combatant is the most compelling and damning indictment to our so-called civilization of today. It is a clear mandate that we had better change our ways, using nature as a guide, before we disappear in the rubble of our own making.
Nitpicking: I nitpick because of the tiny things that imped the perfect flow of words. Some may say they are insignificant and should be overlooked. I say a flaw in a diamond is a flaw in a diamond.
Key: NN= not necessary
Unevenness of paragraph separation is distracting. I thought at first there might be a reason for this but discovered none.
The trees give way, so [that](NN) the seedlings grow sheltered ---
It reacts to emotions, and transforms its cleansing skills through sentience of others.---
SENTIENCE is not a familiar word to the average reader. It becomes a stumbling block to the pace of the piece. The East and West look at this word in different ways, i.e. distinction between thinking and feeling versus respect and care. I’m not certain either definition is applicable to this sentence. The author needs to clarify.
the whiff of body odor, their contentment. –
body odor is the wrong term for the meaning intended. Body odor to the western mind is an odor produced by uncleanliness. I believe the author is referring to the natural scent lovers produce by their individual pheromones. Using the word scent or one similar will clarify the sentence.
Their thoughts glided through the winds, the serenity of touch anchored their feelings. –
The word glided is correct but is seems too modular. I’m thinking the word wafted may enhance the flow of the sentence.
would chuckle in anticipation;
I don’t know that a child is capable of chuckling. He certainly would squeal with joy in this instance.
except fling onto the bed and stay
This is correct, however, except fling herself onto the bed -- may be smoother.
In-fact – hyphen not necessary
Five stars is totally inadequate for this pinnacle of truth.
Maybe that's why nature relies less on words, more on feelings?
Your nit-picking adds so much more value to the story and is something I eagerly look forward to.