A good story well told... although your 'brief' introduction took away some of the suspense. The idea of that section to give a general idea of your story in JUST A FEW WORDS, not explain what is coming in detail.

I would also suggest that with a piece this long that you submit it as two of three parts. It is unlikely that many people will make the effort - or even have the time - to spend reading such a long story in one sitting, whereas they will more likely read it in 'bite-size' chunks.

Overall, though, an interesting and entertaining effort.