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The Girl and the Raven - Part II Reviews

4 reviews have given an average rating of 4.3 out of 5 Stars
LeCat127
LeCat127 gave a rating of 4

To add to the mushroom conversation: I got the idea that she was just going on about something she knew, rather than meant to have any special significance. Of course, she could tell Raven about more things besides just the mushrooms, and that might make the point a little better anyway, for the story and the point Arin is trying to make. If that makes sense.

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NorthernPhoenix
NorthernPhoenix Alright, goodntonknow. Thanks!
Author -
Aishlynn
Skylar gave a rating of 5

I love the vibe this story gives! Very fairy tale esque, which is a bop. As for the mushrooms, I honestly wouldn't have noticed if not for the other reviews pointing them out. That is to say, I don't have a problem with them, because the focus isn't necessarily the mushrooms, but that she knows about them.

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IanG
IanG gave a rating of 4

You convey well how, as she grows up a bit, she becomes more aware of a wider world beyond her own home.
With the mushrooms, are you trying to show that she's a nature lover with a deep knowledge of her environment? As to how necessary it is, that depends on whether a deep knowledge of nature is important in a later episode. It also depends on what you and your readers are interested it. We don't all like the same things.

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NorthernPhoenix
NorthernPhoenix So, common consensus seems to be that I made too big a deal of the mushrooms. I appreciate the feedback!
I didn't mean for that bit of conversation to be such a big distraction from the main story; I just wanted to demonstrate the difference in the way the two characters view the world and give some insight into what their interactions might be like. Is there another way I can do that without leaving the readers wondering why on earth I'm talking about mushrooms for so long?
Author -
ThomastheRay
Thomas Ray gave a rating of 4

I will say, we spent a strange amount of time talking about mushrooms, and it feels very different from the rest of the story. At the end, it says "Before they knew it, they were inseparable friends", but we didn't see that process (which is fine, because the story is going to be relatively short, and you can't show everything) but we DID see mushrooms, which left me confused.
Maybe I missed something that gives the mushrooms meaning. Maybe I'm too hung up on them. Either way, I like the tone of this, and the pictures you chose have the cold, airy, but still stable vibe of the story.
To be clear, I actually like the mushroom conversation (except for the obnoxious technical names) but I do question its necessity in this story. Ya gots ta be intentional about what you show, and if we're hung up on plants while brushing by character development, it can leave the reader feeling cheated.

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NorthernPhoenix
NorthernPhoenix So, common consensus seems to be that I made too big a deal of the mushrooms. I appreciate the feedback!
I didn't mean for that bit of conversation to be such a big distraction from the main story; I just wanted to demonstrate the difference in the way the two characters view the world and give some insight into what their interactions might be like. Is there another way I can do that without leaving the readers wondering why on earth I'm talking about mushrooms for so long?
Author -

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