The Perfect Role-Model Reviews
Leaving aside the fact that - again - this is NOT a story, what you have offered us need editing to make it more palatable to read. It is a solid block of text, which is not nice to try to plow through. In addition you have ignored the submission guidelines with regard to using numerals in your work. It is not good practice to do so and should be avoided.
As I have said before, you write well. I just wish you would turn your skills to something more interesting and entertaining. You are wasting your time with this sort of stuff, really.