As mentioned to you in private, the sheer length of this piece is daunting and will most certainly put-off a lot of people.

There are other issues, too: some of the language is flowery in the extreme, to the point of being almost unintelligible. I understand what you were trying to do, but you need to bear in mind that not everyone will 'go with you' on your literary journey.

The over-use of italics, too, is annoying - and goes against the site's Submission Guidelines. It's annoying and, to my mind, somewhat pretentious. Have you ever read a book where about two-thirds of the text was written in an entirely different font to the rest of the story?

You ARE a good writer, but this effort in its present form is not your finest hour.