The Woman in White Reviews
i liked the effort you put into the story i liked the story but i would have liked it more if you added more detail
The use of numerals in your story really jars when reading it. It's bad practice...
The story was quite engaging, if a tad 'log-winded' in places: the decision to walk home; entering the woods, for instance. I guess you were trying to build suspense but for me, it doesn't really work.
The 'scary' part of the story is told so quickly and with so little reaction from two very young kids (no screams of fear; no panic, for instance?) undermines the whole story and makes it ultimately unbelievable.
What is evident from your writing is the emergence of a budding storyteller :-) Keep writing, keep practicing and take on board the advice offered and I think you'll tell us all some amazing tales in time