It always a difficult ask to comment on someone else's religion-themed work. Leaving the theme aside, though, and concentrating on the form of your work is much easier! You have a slightly (if you'll excuse the unintentional pun) 'preachy' way of writing that is slightly off-putting. Whilst I appreciate your good intentions with you poem it left me irritated rather than pleased. I fear that other may also feel the same way, especially non-believers.