Under the Pressure

Feels as if the walls are closing in but I smile on. Ignoring the hateful words, the looks, and the taunts. The weight sitting on my shoulders. The weight to be good enough; good grades, good sister, good friend, good kid, good girl. Under the pressure but not from you, from me.

I put the weight on my shoulders. Pushing myself to be better because I have to. Holding myself to higher expectations than I hold others to, being good enough for me. Under the pressure, judging myself. Thinking like a perfectionist. Wanting everything and doing anything to earn it.

Under the pressure of my own thoughts and fears. The fears of never being good enough for me. Working harder, doing better, doing everything they need, not breaking the rules where anyone will see, smiling and acting like I am okay and not breaking inside.

Always working harder to be good enough for me, under the pressure I put on myself.

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