I'm at a loss for words.
The way you phrased things makes it sound like English isn't your native language. It's kind of choppy, but if you can get over that, it actually makes it fun to read. This might just be me.
I enjoyed reading this. You could probably work on how you phrase things to make it sound more natural, but I kind of enjoy it as is.
I look forward to seeing the next part of this story.