Love

Wait

Ideas sometimes feel like a slap.

It somehow crossed the gap between us,

Piercing every fragment of my mind.

Us.

We've always been good friends--

(great even!) a certain framework always applied.

We never really tried anything else.

Wait, when did this become a thing?

I never contemplated 'cause our bond, uncomplicated,

Just seemed normal all along.

Stop.

It's stupid thinking of her this way.

It's asking for pain if you change how your brain

Sees the people around you and how much they mean

When you don't have a way to know whether or not

They think about you

Like that.

Why?

How did I let this happen to me?

Control of my emotions matters,

Now in tatters my convictions lie.

Too late.

We're here now-- rather, I'm here, what now?

This alien idea found me, forged some chains, and tightly bound me.

Feelings not my own invaded spaces formerly created

By intentions all my own,

Based in truth but never

Leaps of faith.

So.

The past is irrevocably changed.

I've lost the way I used to see us,

Now it's up to me to sort this out.

More.

I never thought I'd ask you for more.

We had a silent sure agreement,

Now I question every unsaid word.

Think.

This isn't something to be tried twice.

I've got one chance to ask the question,

let's not mess this up-- dammit

I can't.

Squirms.

Worms inside me as the days fly.

You act like you don't notice this,

This fist inside my stomach that takes every chance it can

To steal the words I want to say,

Turn them into harmless laughs that mask the truth

This pointless wishing

Half-believing

What I DIDN'T WANT until now