What Grumpy Thought Of Snow White

Grumpy looked at the other elves sitting around the table, sniffling and crying. First they'd thought Snow White was dead, and they'd been all weepy and whiney. After just about getting over that the prince came along and woke her up. Prince Charming, or Prince Charmin, Grumpy didn't know. Maybe he was named after toilet paper. All it took was a kiss to revive her. Grumpy wasn't sure which was more surprising, that Ol' Whitey was still alive, or that the prince liked girls. Anyway, he rode off with her to his castle, or condo, whatever. Now the elves are all weepy and whiney again. All except Grumpy. As far as he was concerned, it was good riddance.

Snow White had been a finger poked in his eye since the day she arrived. Nothing but rules and griping. Who elected her Queen? Wash your hands before you eat. Pick up after yourself. Why? He liked the cluttered look. Take a bath every week. What a waste of time and water. Put on clean clothes. Change your underwear. Grumpy liked to keep on the same underwear until they disintegrated, leaving only the elastic waistband. Then he'd put on a new pair, and use the old waistband as a headband. Waste not, want not Grumpy always said. No playing poker. That one really hurt. Dopey was always good for a few bucks. No smoking cigars in the house. Whose house was it, anyway? She was tougher than General Patton. No, Grumpy wouldn't be shedding any tears over Little Miss Sunshine. That stupid prince doesn't know what he's gotten himself into. Of course, the other elves thought she was terrific. They seemed to like all that law and order. What a bunch of jerks. They,re all dumber than a keg of nails.

Grumpy stood up. "You knuckleheads make me sick. I'm tired of all this caterwalling. I'm going to bed." He snorted derisively, and headed for the stairs.

He started up the stairs. All this fuss over a woman. All she ever did was nag, nag, nag. He stopped after a few steps. She made pretty good soup though, he'd give her that. He went up a few more steps. And she smelled nice. He reached the top of the staircase. She was a pain, but she really did care about them. As he went in the bedroom, a tear trickled down his grizzled cheek. Maybe she wasn't so bad. He looked to make sure no one had followed him. Oh crap, he thought, wiping away the tear. I guess I miss her, too. But I'll never tell those clowns downstairs that. He wished he could demonstrate how he felt without anyone knowing. Before going to bed, Grumpy decided to honor Snow White the best way he knew. He put on a clean pair of underwear.

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