What Am I Feeling?
By hazel basil
What am I feeling? This feeling of hoplessness. Of knowing you're best will never be good enough. Of constant lonliness. Emptiness. Lost. I can't do it. This feeling of agitation. Feeling like your close friends might be using you. That you're too much of a burden. You should stop being who you are. You should be like everyone else. You used to love people, now you can't stand them. You can't stand physical touch anymore, and you don't know what changed. Constant comparision. Fear of the future. You used to be so full of life. It was bursting from you, but now, you have to work so hard to pretend you're still the same person you were then. You can't show anyone how awful you feel. So you plaster on a smile, pretend you're okay. You feel like you need to be okay for others. You can't show how broken you are. You need to seem strong. Once your mask comes down, you want to scream. You can't stand the feeling of pretending for so long. You want to be real, but if you are maybe people wouldn't like you. They would wish you were better than these broken parts, this mess that you are. You hate it too. You feel heavy inside. As if you're carrying a wieght on your chest. The feeling of a storm inside of you, swirling and threatening to burst. Help me. I hate this feeling.
Author Notes: i'm sorry this is kinda a lot i'll try to delete it
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